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The Hard Work of Struggling in Prayer

September 22, 2023 / Jennifer Coleman / 3 Comments

A friend sent me these verses in April and asked, “What do you think of these verses? Does it sound like a lot of the work the early church did was pray?”:

The verses and the questions stuck with me. I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life that share verses and questions that help me press into knowing our Father in Heaven.

This week, last week, the week before and honestly for months I’ve been struggling in prayer, so many prayers. Often prayer feels like “travailing,” laboring to give birth. Prayer often sounds like sighs and groaning (Romans 8:26).

This week as I was wrestling in prayer I remembered the verse my friend shared and wondered, “Is prayer supposed to be this hard? What did that verse mean? What in the world am I wrestling against? Why is this so hard?” I felt like a wimp. Prayer felt like pushing a boulder up a mountain. I feared it might roll backwards and squish me at any moment. I wanted to know if I was doing something wrong and if there was an easier way.

So I took my questions to the Lord in prayer and to the verses in context and I looked up the word “struggle” in the Greek:

agónizomai

Definition: to contend for a prize, struggle

Usage: I am struggling, striving (as in an athletic contest or warfare); I contend, as with an adversary.
Strong’s Concordance

“Agónizomai” sounds a little like our English word “agonize” because it is its root.

I immediately thought of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and how He said His soul was “sorrowful unto death” (Matthew 26:38). And how:

Being in an agony (agōnia) He prayed more earnestly; and His sweat became as it were great drops of blood falling down upon the ground.
Luke 22:44

And I thought of how:

During the days of Jesus’ earthly life, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverence. Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from what He suffered. And having been made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey Him…
Hebrews 5:7-9

Then I remembered

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race set out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. …Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. …Therefore strengthen your limp hands and weak knees. Make straight paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Hebrews 12:1-4, 7, 12-13

Finding an easy way out of agonizing prayer was not looking good. I so need to be reminded of the gospel daily. We are not home yet. We live in the frontlines of a battlefield. Jesus also agonized/struggled/fought/wrestled in prayer.

The verb agónizomai is used in our New Testament 7 other places. I read and meditated on each one for more context:

Strive to enter in through the narrow door; for many, I say to you, will seek to enter in, and will not be able. – Luke 13:24

Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world; if it were, My servants would fight to prevent My arrest by the Jews. But now My kingdom is not of this realm.” – John 18:36

1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to take the prize. 25 Everyone who competes [striving] in the games trains with strict discipline. They do it for a crown that is perishable, but we do it for a crown that is imperishable. 26 Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like I am beating the air. 27 No, I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.

Colossians 1:28 We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. 29 To this end I also labor, striving with all His energy working powerfully within me.

1 Timothy 4:10 To this end we labor and strive, because we have set our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of everyone, and especially of those who believe.

1 Timothy 6:11 But you, O man of God, flee from these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made the good confession before many witnesses.

2 Timothy 4:5 But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 From now on there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but to all who crave His appearing.

By this point, the answers to my questions, “Is prayer supposed to be this hard? What did that verse mean? What in the world am I wrestling against? Why is this so hard?” were starting to crystallize, but something inside me needed to hear, be encouraged and exhorted audibly. I found an excellent sermon by John Piper on the text called “How Do I ‘Wrestle’ in Prayer?” I hope you’ll go listen. I am writing this post thinking I’ll need to return to this topic and be encouraged again and again.

My notes:
“…the answer that Epaphras is after in his prayers for the Colossian believers would be that they stand, and that they stand mature and be fully assured of God’s favor and God’s will as they live their Christian life.”

Colossians 1:28 We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. 29 To this end I also labor, striving with all His energy working powerfully within me.

Teaching, warning, ministry, prayer – wrestling work
Requires rigorous exertion and effort against hindrances or barriers

“Paul does not think of his ministry wrestling as something he does in his own strength, even though there’s enormous effort and toil. It’s not being done in his own strength to try to get Christ to be active for him. It’s just the other way around.

He says Christ is super active prior to his effort and in his effort, enabling his effort to toil with wrestling. And I think that’s the idea with prayer. You don’t pray — even though it may be hard; there may be work in it — in your own strength.”

Fight the good fight of faith. – 1 Timothy 6:12

“So, even though the word ‘wrestle’ sounds demanding, what it demands above all is faith.

…that is, seeking to rely on the strength of another and do everything we do, easy or hard, by faith, by relying on the one who is at work in me enabling me to do what I’m striving to do.”

Faith that Christ is the one who wrestles in, through, and for us.

“Prayer is embattled, and we are called to get on the frequency of the heavenly headquarters and send in for fire cover here. “I’ve got to have the air force quick, Father, because I’m in trouble.” But never forget that even our call for help is an act of help from the Lord who is for us.” – John Piper, How Do I ‘Wrestle’ in Prayer?

I am so thankful for John Piper and others who are so diligent and faithful to help us study the scriptures. Towards the end of his sermon, John Piper mentions the struggle (palē) in Ephesians 6.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can make your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world’s darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness arrayed, and with your feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times, with every kind of prayer and petition. To this end, stay alert with all perseverance in your prayers for all the saints.
Ephesians 6:10-18

This morning I was thinking how soft my thinking often is, how I struggle with struggling. Why did I think prayer should have been easier? Did I think Jesus said, “Watch and pray” for no reason? And how often I forget it is Him working in me. I am not alone.

Then Jesus returned to the disciples and found them sleeping. “Were you not able to keep watch with Me for one hour?” He asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not enter into temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”
Matthew 26:40-41

Prayer is such a gift. It can be sweet, beautiful, refreshing, calming, rewarding, transformative, and “embattled.” The Christian life is one of intentional remembering, of setting our mind on the unseen eternal things above (Colossians 3:2), of prayer, of persevering and wrestling through God’s enabling power while believing that God will be faithful to complete His good work in us, He will give us the power and will to do His good pleasure. I know these things. I forget them so easily.

Lord, I believe, help me to remember, believe, rest, press in, struggle and wrestle in a way that brings You glory.

When I get to Heaven I want to hear my Savior say,

You are the ones who have stood by Me in My trials.
Luke 22:28

In His Love,

Jenny Coleman

“You show me the path to life;
Your presence fills me with joy,
everlasting delight is at Your right hand.”
– Psalms 16:11

Learning to Pray Again: In Concert with the Psalms

September 12, 2023 / Jennifer Coleman / 2 Comments

My heart is heavy. How do I pray?

I’ve been asking the Lord to teach me how to pray. I pray a lot, but my prayers feel minuscule compared to the needs in the lives of those on my heart. We have a big God who is able to do more than we ask or imagine, but how do I know when I’ve done my job of asking well?

Prayer after losing a child or a different crushing “No” from God often feels contentious, full of sighs and groans beyond what words can express. I often don’t know how to pray as I ought, but I know I am not alone in my groaning. The “Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words” (Romans 8:26).

A year or so ago, I was seeking the Lord for how to pray for a friend going through cancer treatments. Reading this verse freed me to pray as I really wanted to pray:

“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.”
Hebrews 13:3

Earlier this week, while meditating on these verses:

“Because Jesus lives forever, He has a permanent priesthood. Therefore He is able to save completely those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to intercede for them.”
Hebrews 7:24-25

I asked myself, “How do I live and pray as though Jesus ‘always lives to intercede’ on our behalf?”

I want to come to God boldly, yet clothed heavily with humility; in a wisdom that is not my own, but the Spirit’s; with my whole heart, yet wholly surrendered to His will; with dedication, perseverance and a heart of obedience.

Joining in the Prayers of the Saints

I’ve been meditating on how we are connected to the body of Christ… not just our local church body, but to those who have longed for Jesus’ appearing through the centuries. I’ve also be thinking about how Jesus, His disciples and millions of believers throughout history have used the Psalms as a prayer and hymn book. I thought about how Jesus must have felt praying Psalm 22 in His darkest hour and how it must have comforted Him to have the prayers of the saints joining His.

It’s incredible to realize that I hold within my hands the very words and prayers that God has given His people to pray, the prayers and songs that people from many nations have prayed and continue to pray in many languages. I want to join in that fellowship. I want to pray in communion with Jesus and all the saints in Heaven and on earth. In my minds’ eye I can almost see a chorus of prayers resonating up to the throne room. I want to take part in that fragrant offering (Psalm 141:2, Revelation 8:4).

Learning to Pray the Psalms

While praying the Psalms is not completely new to me, I have a lot to learn. I enjoy praying, singing and meditating on my morning walks and decided to look for a podcast on praying the Psalms to help slowly guide me through them. I found two that I am enjoying so far.

To help me learn each Psalm well, first I have a Bible app read it aloud to me several times through (sometimes in more than one version). Then I listen to the podcast produced by Doxa Church in Madison, Washington in 2020 called Praying the Psalms where a minister shares commentary on a Psalm followed by a prayer. Finally, I listen, pray and sing along with the Psalms Project’s podcast where they read a Psalm and play a song based on verses from it. I’ve added several of their songs to my personal play list. You may learn more about their effort to produce a song for every Psalm here: https://thepsalmsproject.com/

Two talks on prayer that really touched me this week:

Doxa Church’s commentary on Psalm 5

Corrie ten Boom’s talk on prayer.

Questions to consider:

Do your prayers feel minuscule?

Have you asked Jesus to teach you how to pray?

Have you surrendered your inability to pray to Holy Spirit’s groanings?

How does it make you feel to know that Jesus “always lives to intercede” for you?

Would joining your prayers with the chorus of the prayers and songs of the saints make a difference in your prayer life?

Has a podcast or a study on the Psalms impacted your prayers?

Please, share 💕

In His Love,

Jenny Coleman

Finding Comfort in God’s Sovereignty

June 17, 2023 / Jennifer Coleman / 4 Comments

Immediately after Joel was murdered, the one thing that most comforted me was my belief in God’s sovereign control over our lives. Joel’s life had not been cut short. God had ordained the number of his days from before he was born (Psalm 139:16) and intentionally allowed Joel to be murdered that night for His good purposes. The young man who shot and killed Joel had evil intentions and will be held accountable by God for what he did, but God’s intentions and purposes are always good.

“And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28

We live in a fallen world that has been very broken by human rebellion and sinfulness, but it is not a world abandoned by God nor outside of His control.

We should hate the sin and the results of sin that destroy the lives of those around us and love and bless the God who has not cast us into the utter darkness that we deserve, but sent His beloved Son to humble Himself being made in human likeness and live as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, Who though sorrowful to the point of death, accepted His Father’s will and endured rejection, beatings, crucifixion, the wrath and abandonment of our Heavenly Father and even Hell on our behalf. We should praise the God who declares the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10), Who offers redemption through the resurrection of His Son, the God Who is compassionate and not slow in keeping His promise, but patient with us not wanting anyone to be destroyed, but that all should come to repentance and be saved (2 Peter 3:9).

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?

2 My help comes from the Yahweh, the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to slip; your Protector will not slumber.

4 Behold, the Protector of Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Yahweh is your keeper; the Yahweh is the shade on your right hand.

6 The sun will not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

7 The Yahweh will guard you from all evil; He will preserve your soul.

8 The Yahweh will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore.

Yahweh, Maker of heaven and earth is our Helper. Our Protector was not asleep at 9 PM the night Joel was murdered. He kept and guarded Joel and guided him from the presence of evil into peace and rest (Isaiah 57:1-2). He watched over Joel’s coming and going and preserved Joel’s soul. This is who God is. This is what God does. I have seen God help, work, protect, and watch over us throughout our lives. His love never fails. He is sovereign. All power and glory and honor are His.

Though Joel’s death broke my heart and I did not understand God’s ways that night, I knew that nothing could separate us from His love, not “trouble or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword,” not a stranger with an AK57, nor “death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:35, 38-39).

While interacting with others through the months that followed Joel’s death, I began to realize that not everyone believed in God’s sovereign control the way I did. In their minds, the devil had won a battle, God’s hands were somehow tied by a mere human’s choice or the devil’s schemes, God’s good and perfect plans for our lives had been derailed, and he was powerless or had chosen not to do anything about it. It comforted them to believe that life and death was left to mortal whim while it was unthinkable to me that Joel could have died outside of our sovereign Heavenly Father’s will.

I don’t believe they thought through the implications of their beliefs. If God is not sovereign over all, then He cannot be sovereign. If God is not sovereign, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, wise, good and kind then He cannot be trusted to keep His Word and verses like these offer no real comfort:

“But I trust in You, O Yahweh; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hands.”
Psalm 31:14-15

“Preserve me, O God, for in You I take refuge.”
Psalm 16:1

“Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings.”
Psalm 17:8

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all my days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:16

“Even to your old age, I will be the same, and I will bear you up when you turn gray. I have made you, and I will carry you; I will sustain you and deliver you.”
Isaiah 46:4

“Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.”
Matthew 10:29

“And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
Luke 12:7

How can God be faithful and true to His Word if a mere human’s will or the devil’s schemes can prevent Him from preserving, keeping, ordaining, sustaining and delivering us? How can He be trusted to keep His promises? How can we know He is preparing a place for us and will one day return to rescue us? How can His ways be higher and His plans never thwarted if He is not sovereign over all? How could I take any comfort in God or His Word at all?

I wrestled while they slept. God’s sovereignty, man’s meaningful choice, and the problem of evil became a topic I needed to study and continue to study. Reading the writings of fellow Christian sufferers like Corrie ten Boom, Elisabeth Elliot, Joni Eareckson Tada, John Piper, Paul David Tripp, Tim Keller, Charles Spurgeon, Philip Yancey, and others confirmed what I had originally believed. Reading through their logic and the scriptures and seeing how comforted others were by God’s sovereignty over all things comforted me. My husband and I are currently reading Randy Alcorn’s “If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil.” We highly recommend Randy’s books regularly. If you are looking for a book specifically on how God’s sovereignty works with meaningful choice we recommend his, “hand in Hand: The Beauty of God’s Sovereignty and Meaningful Human Choice.”

I believe in meaningful human choice that includes repercussions, responsibly and accountability and I believe in God’s sovereignty over all things. I believe the wisdom and lovingkindness of God’s character shine through every bit of His sovereignty though I lack the perspective to see and understand it all now. I believe that though I have to “live by faith, not by sight” (1 Corinthians 13:12) now, “then we will see everything with perfect clarity” (2 Corinthians 5:7). “I know that my Redeemer lives, and in the end He will stand upon the earth. Even after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God. I will see Him for myself; my eyes will behold Him, and not as a stranger. How my heart yearns within me!” Job 19:25-27

In the “coming ages” God will “display the surpassing riches of His grace, demonstrated by His kindness to us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:7). And I will be amazed at the beautiful way He has been “working all things together for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28).

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
2 Corinthians 4:6

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, yet our inner self is being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory, far beyond any comparison. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

A few resources:

An article written shortly after Joel’s death and the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting that I found especially helpful: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/confronting-the-problems-of-evil

Randy’s “If God is Good” chapter summaries:
https://www.epm.org/resources/2009/Dec/17/IGIG-Chapter-Summaries/

A few quotes I often re-read:

“Either God rules, or Satan sets the world’s agenda and God is limited to reacting. In which case, the Almighty would become Satan’s clean-up boy, sweeping up after the devil has trampled through and done his worst, finding a way to wring good out of the situation somehow. But it wasn’t his best plan for you, wasn’t plan A, wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. In other words, although God would manage to patch things up, your suffering itself would be meaningless.”
Joni Eareckson Tada, When God Weeps p 84

“It would be a very sharp and trying experience to me to think that I have an affliction which God never sent me, that the bitter cup was never filled by his hand, that my trials were never measured out by him, nor sent to me by his arrangement of their weight and quantity.”
C. H. Spurgeon

“The sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which the child of God rests his head at night, giving perfect peace.”
C. H. Spurgeon

“When terrible things happen, there are two choices, and only two: We can trust God, or we can defy Him. We believe that God is God, He’s still got the whole world in His hands and knows exactly what He’s doing, or we must believe that He is not God and that we are at the awful mercy of mere chance.”
Elisabeth Elliot

“I know of no greater simplifier for all of life. Whatever happens is assigned. Does the intellect balk at that? Can we say that there are things that happen to us that do not belong to our lovingly assigned “portion.” (“This belongs to it, that does not”)? Are some things, then, out of the control of the Almighty? Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good. As I accept the given portion other options are canceled. Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and hence my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter. A quiet heart is content with what God gives.”
Elisabeth Elliot

“Number one, God brought me here. It is by His will that I am in this place. In that fact I will rest. Number two, He will keep me here in His love and give me grace to behave as His child. Number three, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends for me to learn and working in me the grace He means to bestow. Number four, in His good time He can bring me out again. How and when, He knows. So, let me say I am here.”
Andrew Murray

“When my plans crumble and God takes me away from my dreams, I must trust in God’s infinite wisdom. When my cup of suffering seems too much to bear, I need to rest in his immeasurable love. When my life spins out of control, I need to remember God’s absolute sovereignty.”
Vaneetha Rendall Risner, The Scars that have Shaped Me, page 73

“There’s great clarity in seeing the sovereignty and wisdom of God held together. We learn that nothing happens by chance, or passes outside God’s plans. Everything filters through His wisdom. This helps weary sufferers to remember that our pains and afflictions are not pointless.”
Erik Reed, Uncommon Trust, page 46

“So while it is not inaccurate to say that God allows evil and suffering, it is inadequate, and perhaps misleading, to limit God’s involvement in suffering to this word, suggesting that he only passively (and perhaps reluctantly, we hope) gives permission. In fact, there are only a handful of scriptural passages where the text itself says that God ‘allowed’ or ‘permitted’ difficulty or harm, while many more indicate that God sent, intended, brought about, planned, caused, or gave experiences of suffering to his people for some purpose (Deuteronomy 32:39; 2 Samuel 12:15; Psalm 66:10-12; Isaiah 45:7; Jeremiah 46:28; Jonah 2:3; Matthew 4:1; 1 Peter 3:17).”
Nancy Guthrie, Hearing Jesus Speak in Your Sorrow, Page 78

“Although the sovereignty of God is universal and absolute, it is not the sovereignty of blind power. It is coupled with infinite wisdom, holiness and love. And this doctrine, when properly understood, is a most comforting and reassuring one. Who would not prefer to have his affairs in the hands of a God of infinite power, wisdom, holiness and love, rather than to have them left to fate, or chance, or irrevocable natural law, or to short-sighted and perverted self? Those who reject God’s sovereignty should consider what alternatives they have left.
Loraine Boettner

Leave it in the Hand and Mystery of God.

“I was preparing to go to Nyack College. Before I left there was one burning question I had in mind, and I went to Dr. Tozer and said, Could you give me some advice concerning the problem of Calvinism versus Arminianism?

“And I’ll never forget the advice he gave me. At the time I thought it was rather inconclusive and not too helpful. But I listened carefully. He said, ‘My son, when you get to college you’re going to find that all of the boys will be gathered in a room discussing and arguing over Arminianism and Calvinism night after night after night. I’ll tell you what to do, Cliff. Go to your room and meet God. At the end of four years you’ll be way down the line and they’ll still be where they started, because greater minds than yours have wrestled with this problem and have not come up with satisfactory conclusions. Instead, learn to know God.’”
The Life of A.W. Tozer: In Pursuit of God, James L. Snyder page 132

A few Scriptures to consider:

As for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring about that many people should be kept alive, as they are this day.
Genesis 50:19

See now that I am He; there is no God besides Me. I bring death and I give life; I wound and I heal, and there is no one who can deliver from My hand.
Deuteronomy 32:39

The Lord foils the plans of the nations; He thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.
Psalm 33:10-11

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails
Proverbs 19:21

The king’s heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord; He guides it wherever He pleases
Proverbs 21:1

I know that You can do all things and that no plan of Yours can be thwarted.
Job 42:2

Remember what happened long ago, for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me. I declare the end from the beginning, and ancient times from what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and all My good pleasure I will accomplish.’ I summon a bird of prey from the east, a man for My purpose from a far-off land. Truly I have spoken, and truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, and I will surely do it.
Isaiah 46:9-11

He [Jesus] was delivered up by God’s set plan and foreknowledge, and you, by the hands of the lawless, put Him to death by nailing Him to the cross.
Acts 2:23

God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that He is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; Neither is worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed any thing, seeing He giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; God intended that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. “For in Him we live and move and have our being.”
Acts 17:24-28

Much Love,

Jenny

Beholding God’s Wondrous Suffering Love

June 4, 2023 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

I have known and loved Jesus from a very young age. He has been my friend through many trials. But my first question after experiencing the murder of my youngest son was, “Is God sensitive to just how painful the suffering He is allowing really is? He is God. Does He feel pain? Does He understand the pain in my heart?” I needed someone safe to take my pain to. “Was God safe? Was I alone in my pain?”

Our world has been so very broken by our sinful rebellion against God. We have all foolishly rejected God and gone our own way and the only way that can end is in death.

Our gracious Heavenly Father knew before He created us that the only way for us to truly love Him was to give us free will. He knew we would rebel. He knew His great love for us would cost Him His own dear Son’s life and still chose to create us.

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
John 15:13

This is who God is, has always been, and will always be. He is a God of great intention. He is sacrificial love.

“Was God safe? Was I alone in my pain?” The only way I could discover the trustworthiness and faithfulness of God for myself was to press in. I had to draw near to God. I had to begin taking all my tears and sorrows to Him in prayer. I had to ask Holy Spirit to help me hear, see and know God. I had to search for the Truth in the scriptures. I had to allow Him into my pain before I could no longer be alone, before I could learn that He was safe.

My sweet husband bought this painting by Greg Collins for me for Joel’s birthday this year 💕

It is only through opening ourselves up to feel our own pain, that we can begin to open ourselves up to feel the pain of another. We cannot understand how deeply someone feels pain until we open ourselves up to feel it.

It is only through my willingness to embrace my own pain and tears and through my willingness to sit with God in prayer and with Holy Spirit as I read the scriptures that I was able to begin to open up to and understand a little of how much Jesus suffered as a man, not only on the cross but through many painful trials. It was only through Jesus, Holy Spirit and His Word that I could begin to see our merciful Father. It was only through this process that I could learn how very deeply our precious Heavenly Father loves us, and is longsuffering, patient, and gracious towards us.

What I have seen of God’s suffering love is wondrous to behold.

I cannot see or taste it for you. I can only tell you that His love is deeper and greater than I can comprehend. It is beautiful and consuming. I want to be near Him and somehow more like Him. Nothing compares to Him. Having seen a little, I want to behold, contemplate, know and be conformed into His likeness.

“I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”
Philippians 3:10-11

Jesus has opened up a way:

“Whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.”
2 Corinthians 3:16

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
2 Corinthians 3:18

All we have to do is turn to Him. Turn to Him with your pain. Turn away from going your own way. Ask Holy Spirit to open your bind eyes, that you might see Jesus. Ask Him to show you the Father through Him. Ask Him to show you His glory and transform you into His image.

“So let us know—let us press on to know the LORD. As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the rain, like the spring showers that water the earth.”
Hosea 6:3

He comes to us and refreshes us as we draw near to Him in prayer and meditate on His Word.

Yesterday, I beheld His beautiful suffering love through these words:

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:5)
The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His nature,
upholding all things by His powerful word. (Hebrews 1:3)
Who, existing in the form of God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped
but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant being made in human likeness (Philippians 2:6-7)
made like His brothers in every way (Hebrews 2:17)
He is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and misguided,
since He Himself is beset by weakness (Hebrews 5:2)
[able] to sympathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15)
He humbled Himself (Philippians 2:8)
He Himself suffered (Hebrews 2:18)
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
Like one from whom men hide their faces, He was despised, and we esteemed Him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
He offered up prayers and pleadings with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
yet we considered Him stricken by God, struck down and afflicted.(Isaiah 53:3)
Surely He took on our infirmities and carried our sorrows (Isaiah 53:4)
and became obedient to death— even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:8)
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Although He was God’s Son, He learned obedience from what He suffered. (Hebrews 5:8)
having been made perfect through suffering (Hebrews 2:10, 5:9)
the Lamb who was slain from the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8)
the Author of our Salvation (Hebrews 2:10)
became the Source of Eternal Salvation to all who obey Him (Hebrews 5:9)
After He had provided purification for sins,
He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high (Hebrews 1:3)
a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God (Hebrews 2:17)
Because Jesus lives forever, He has a permanent priesthood.
Therefore He is able to save completely those who draw near to God through Him,
since He always lives to intercede for them (Hebrews 7:24-25)

May the Lord bless you and keep you in His Wondrous Suffering Love,

Jenny

Awaken Us! A Psalm of Jenny’s Lament

March 20, 2023 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

Lord, How long?
So, so long have I waited.
I have longed, hungered,
And searched for You.

I have sought Your face O, Lord,
Not Your hem alone, but Your face.
My heart has longed after You,
After a look from Your eyes, after your face.

I have sought after You, O, Lord
While my enemies pointed at me and jeered.
They accused me again and again of sin,
They cast blame at my sorrowful, longing heart.

I wrestled without sleep.
I wept upon my bed.
I wailed to You, my Only Hope.
I waited day after day for You to turn my way.

I forgave.
I turned my cheek.
I remembered the saints of old,
And I prayed, and I prayed.

You answered, O, Lord.
You answered my groaning
With groans of Your own!
You answered!

Hear our prayers, O, Lord,
Don’t allow us to sleep in spiritual death.
Give light to our eyes,
Give us the Light of Your Son!

Open our eyes, O, Lord,
That we may see Your salvation,
That we may see the depth of Your love
At the Cross, O, Lord, at the cross!

Open our eyes, O, Lord,
That we may see Your Way,
Your Truth, Your Life;
Awaken our hearts to Your love!

Awaken us from the Curse of this earth,
Awaken us to the urgency of Your call.
Awaken us to heal the brokenhearted,
Awaken us to Your glory over all!

I will sing of Your goodness,
I will sing of Your saving love!
I will sing of Your glory!
I will sing until You awaken us all!

– Jenny Coleman

I’m in a bereaved parent discussion group that is studying “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy” by Mark Vroegrop. We are learning how to live “in the tension of pain beyond belief and divine sovereignty beyond comprehension” (p. 84) by turning to the Lord following the pattern for lament modeled for us in Scripture . I modeled my lament after the passages below:

Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD?
Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart each day?
How long will my enemy dominate me?

3 Consider me and respond, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, lest I sleep in death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes rejoice when I fall.

5 But I have trusted in Your loving devotion;
my heart will rejoice in Your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for He has been good to me.

I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those sanctified by faith in Me.
Acts 26:17-18

Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not comparable to the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the revelation of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not by its own will, but because of the One who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until the present time. 23 Not only that, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved; but hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he can already see? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet see, we wait for it patiently.

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. 27 And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Voices of saints through the centuries have cried out in lament. The whole creation groans. “Not only that, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. …In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words,” (Romans 8:23, 26).

To minimize suffering in this broken world is to diminish the great sacrifice of our Lord on the cross for us. To turn to the Lord with honest lament is to honor Him as the sovereign LORD of all.

Have you sought the Lord with tears? Have you longed, hungered and waited for Him with groans? Have you leaned into the groaning prayers of the Spirit? God “bends down to listen” (Psalm 116:2). “He is near to the brokenhearted,” (Psalm 34:18). He collects each tear in His bottle (Psalm 56:8).

Jesus, our great, empathetic high priest, who “In his life on earth made His prayers and requests with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and was heard because of His reverence,” (Hebrews 5:7). And “is able to save completely those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to intercede for them,” (Hebrews 7:25).

A few quotes from “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy” by Mark Vroegrop:

Trust is believing what you know to be true even though the facts of suffering might call that belief into question.Lament keeps us turning toward trust by giving us language to step into the wilderness between our painful reality and our hopeful longings.
Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, p. 77

Why is waiting so difficult? Because it feels as if we’re not doing anything. And that’s the point. You’re not doing anything, but God is. However, waiting is one of the greatest applications of the Christian faith. You are putting your trust in God, placing your hope in him, and expressing confidence that he is in control. Waiting puts us in an uncomfortable place where we’re out of control of our lives. Remember in chapter 4, when I called this “active patience”? That season is when God will shape and define us the most.
Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, p. 115

Lament is the language of a people who know the whole story-the gospel story. They know how the entrance of sin into the world brought death and suffering. As we conclude our look into Lamentations, it is a good reminder that the message of the gospel is where lament should lead. The sorrow of loss can lead us to the man of sorrows because Jesus is the answer to the cause of every pain.
MARK VROEGOP, DARK CLOUDS, DEEP MERCY, P. 150

“Too many people think real worship only means an upbeat and happy demeanor. But grief-filled prayers of pain while seeking God are among the deepest expressions of God-centered worship.”
Mark Vroegop. Dark Clouds Deep Mercy. p. 160

Singing songs of lament has been a very moving experience for me.

I pray that you might discover the grace of learning to turn to God in Biblical lament through your own sorrows. For as Jesus taught, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5: 3-4). 🙏🙏🙏💕

Much love,

Jenny Coleman

“You show me the path to life;
Your presence fills me with joy,
everlasting delight is at Your right hand”
– Psalms 16:11

Do Christians go to Heaven Immediately After Death?

March 10, 2023 / Jennifer Coleman / 2 Comments

There are some confusing passages in the Bible that talk about people “sleeping” when they are dead. I find it funny that even the disciples were confused when Jesus used this euphemism:

After He had said this, He told them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I am going there to wake him up.”

His disciples replied, “Lord, if he is sleeping, he will get better.” They thought that Jesus was talking about actual sleep, but He was speaking about the death of Lazarus.

So Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead.”
John 11:11-14

Sometimes when there are confusing beliefs, I choose to believe the thing that gives me the most joy and peace. In this case, I have chosen to believe that believers in Jesus immediately go to Heaven when they die. If I get to Heaven and learn that I was wrong, I’m okay with that because I know that God always chooses what is best.

Below are a few of the scriptures that I believe support the idea of Heaven immediately after death:

○ One of my favorite Biblical descriptions of the death of a believer is “he was gathered to his people.” I like how it sounds like going Home and being reunited with other believers. One example:

When Jacob had finished instructing his sons, he pulled his feet into the bed and breathed his last, and he was gathered to his people.
Genesis 49:33

○ This verse says we are “surrounded” by “witnesses” which sounds alive and active:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race set out for us.
Hebrews 12:1

○ Shortly before raising Lazarus from the dead Jesus told Martha:

Living and believing and never dying sounds active… not skipping a beat.

○ This passage talks about how we would rather be at Home with the Lord than in our bodies and how being away from our earthly bodies means we will be at Home with the Lord. Our desire is for Home. It also talks about how we have a goal to please the Lord even when away from our body. Working towards the goal of pleasing Him implies activity once we leave our body:

So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please Him.
2 Corinthians 5:6-9

○ Paul describes departing as being with Christ:

I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.
Philippians 1:23

○ Jesus tells a story about two men who died who are awake and speaking in Luke 16:19-31

○ Jesus told the repentant thief on the cross that he would be with Him “today” in Paradise:

And Jesus said to him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”
Luke 23:43

○ There is a lot we can learn about Heaven from the Mount of Transfiguration story in Matthew 17:1-9, Mark 9:1–13 and Luke 9:28–36.

I’ll share what I gathered from just these two verses:

Suddenly two men, Moses and Elijah, began talking with Jesus. They appeared in glory and spoke about His departure, which He was about to accomplish at Jerusalem.
Luke 9:30-31

They appeared suddenly. They were visible. They lived in time and space. They had physical bodies that were seen by the disciples’ physical eyes and recognized as men.

“Moses and Elijah” were themselves, “Moses and Elijah.” They did not lose their identity. They were known by name. It amazes me that the disciples knew who Moses and Elijah were although they lived hundreds of years apart.

I believe we will recognize and know each other in Heaven. We will be ourselves, just glorified like Jesus because we will have seen Him.

Moses and Elijah had voices, knew Jesus, and spoke to Him. They were not “sleeping.”

They knew God’s plans and that Jesus was going to “accomplish” our salvation by dying on the cross for us and that the time was drawing near. They were aware of time and happenings on earth.

– The Bible doesn’t say explicitly, but I imagine that this meeting on the mount was arranged by God partially to encourage Jesus as He was facing the things to come in Jerusalem. Just as remembering that we are “surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses” helps us throw off everything that might encumber us and run the race set out for us with endurance, I imagine that seeing and talking to His old friends, Moses and Elijah, was a fresh reminder of the joy that enduring the cross would bring: saving and enjoying those who believe in Him for eternity (see Hebrews 12:1-2 below).

○ I believe the Bible teaches that saints in Heaven are cheering for us and praying for us (not sleeping) and that it brings all of Heaven joy to see us following Jesus’ example by enduring for the joy to come. I believe God, the angels and those “in the presence of God’s angels” rejoice over our repentance and endurance:

In the same way, I tell you that there will be more joy in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous ones who do not need to repent. …In the same way, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels over one sinner who repents.”
Luke 15:7, 10

The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.
2 Chronicles 16:9

For our light and momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory that is far beyond comparison.
2 Corinthians 4:17

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race set out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:1-3

○ I’ll share one last passage. I don’t understand everything about this passage, but love the imagery of our current bodies being like tents, temporary dwelling places. When they are “dismantled, we have a building from God, an eternal house in Heaven, not built by human hands.”:

1 Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is dismantled, we have a building from God, an eternal house in Heaven, not built by human hands. 2 For in this tent we groan, longing to be clothed with our Heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 So while we are in this tent, we groan under our burdens, because we do not wish to be unclothed but clothed, so that our mortality may be swallowed up by life. 5 And God has prepared us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a pledge of what is to come.
2 Corinthians 5:1-5

I love how it says our mortality will “be swallowed up by life.” I love that “God has prepared us for this very purpose” (not we ourselves). I love how He’s given us His “Spirit as a pledge.” I also love that it acknowledges the groaning and longing we feel for Heaven while living in these “earthly tents.” I believe that people who are not groaning and longing are not awake to the reality of how broken our world is. Romans 8:22-27 talks about how the whole creation groans, those who have the Spirit groan and the Spirit groans “as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.”

We groan and long for life in our heavenly dwelling. We are not longing for “sleep” or to be found naked. God has prepared us for an eternal house in Heaven, a heavenly dwelling, for our mortality to be swallowed up by life, for us to live and never die. In the meantime, when we don’t know how to pray as we ought, His Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.

Father, we thank You for the gift of life and salvation through the gift of Your Son! We thank you for giving us Your Spirit as a pledge. We thank You for meeting our groans with the promise of eternal Home in Heaven with You and all who love You. Strengthen us as we commit ourselves fully to You and good Your pleasure.

Much love,

Jenny Coleman

My GriefShare Story: Why I believe in Christian Grief Ministry

January 13, 2023 / Jennifer Coleman / 4 Comments

My husband, Mike, and I are the proud parents of three boys and a girl who were all still living at home while working their way through school in 2012. Our oldest, Josh, was working towards his masters in biology. James, our middle son, was studying computer science. Joel was finishing up his third semester of college and had just settled on studying engineering and our youngest, Judi, was preparing to apply for nursing school. We had no idea that when God called us to move to Huntsville in 2009 and told us we would be launching our kids into adulthood there, that our youngest son, Joel, would be launched straight into Heaven.

Joel was 20, thoughtful, intelligent, tender, and joyful. He had an enthusiasm for life that was contagious and never lost his boyish sense of wonder. His relaxed and playful demeanor put everyone around him at ease. He could heartily laugh at himself then tease you with a wholesome grin that left you feeling disarmed and genuinely loved. He had a way of putting his arm around you, listening intently to your heart and making you feel like the most important person in the world.

As a little boy, Joel purposely set time aside from exciting boy things like playing dinosaurs, sword fighting, and building legos with his brothers to play doll house with his little sister. As a teen he was becoming a proficient classical guitarist and filled our lives with a beautiful, soulful song called “Night’s Sorrow” which he played constantly; while working math problems in his head, while writing English papers, while watching “Everybody Loves Raymond” reruns, and while waiting for video games to load. Constantly.

Joel spent most of his last day at home studying for finals and, of course, playing his classical guitar. I woke up before Joel that morning to give myself time to practice my little harp before he filled our home with his worshipful song. When Joel woke up, he joined me in our hearth room and I excitedly demonstrated how I had learned to play “O, Come Let Us Adore Him,” my first Christmas hymn. “Oh, yeah, I learned that one years ago,” he teased while playfully calling me a “nube” with his disarming grin. He was proud of both of us.

My plan for the day was to decorate our Christmas tree and to set up my large collection of Fontanini nativity figures. Joel surfaced from his studies in the music room periodically throughout the day for a breath of fresh air and to visit with me while I unboxed and set up my nativity collection. That afternoon, he stood in our kitchen and surveyed the work I was doing with the Christmas decorations. Smiling, thankful, full of longing and anticipation, he said, “Normally it feels like Christmas, but it doesn’t yet because I still have these final exams.”

Later that afternoon, a new friend Josh had met playing football Thanksgiving weekend came to our door to see who might come to a birthday party he was putting together for a friend. And about 4 PM, Josh and Joel grabbed our Apples to Apples game excited about making new friends and drove an hour to the little town of New Hope, AL. The party tragically ended early that evening when an assault rifle was fired into a group of kids there. Several were injured. Our youngest son, Joel, ran straight into the loving arms of Jesus.

Everyday Joel is experiencing in Heaven must feel like all the best holidays plus your birthday rolled into one. Our days, especially our holidays, since our last day with Joel are filled with longing and anticipation for Heaven’s arrival. We are thankful when we survey the redemptive work Jesus has done on the cross for us, and we smile when we set our eyes on the preparations Jesus is making for us in His Father’s house, but it doesn’t feel like Heaven yet because we still have these final exams.

From the very beginning I could easily see Joel smiling happily in Heaven and believed with all my heart that God loved us, was good, and was sovereignly working all things together for our good, but the second evening, I had a long moment where I questioned if God understood how painful His choice to allow Joel’s death was for us. Was He sensitive to our hearts? Did God really feel the pain and suffering a parent experiences when His own Son, Jesus, suffered and died on the cross for us?

It was then that we realized we had a choice. We could turn to God with our questions and sorrow or go to a very dark place. My husband, Mike, asked me privately, “How is your hope?” I was stunned to realize my hope had been so crushed that I didn’t know what the word meant any more. Mike gently pointed me towards an eternal perspective. Jesus had not come to give us a life free of earthly sorrow. He came to share in our suffering and die for our sins that one day our “Night’s Sorrow” might be swallowed up by Heaven’s joy.

Choosing to turn to God with our sorrow and place our hope in an eternal perspective was not a one time decision. It was often a moment by moment intense like final exams struggle with our volition. I needed people who understood to lend me the light of their faith and heavenly hope and point me to the cross and our eternal perspective.

At first, I was afraid attending a grief support group would only make our grief worse. When our pastor told us about GriefShare and how it features 13 video seminars made up of short clips of respected grief experts, pastors, and counselors, we decided to give it a try.

To our relief, we learned were not alone, our overwhelming emotions were normal and we weren’t going crazy. Each person in the videos shared stories of how they struggled with grief and what helped them. We learned from their hard-won wisdom and helpful suggestions how to work through our own grief in healthy ways.

The group members began to feel like family after a few short weeks. We all understood the pain of losing someone we dearly loved and were able to encourage and show compassion towards each other as we discussed how to handle our “Why?” questions and regrets, how to find the strength to keep going and hold onto our faith in the dark and other relevant topics from the curriculum.

The short daily exercises in the workbooks helped me to find comfort in God’s Word and slowly begin to untangle my shattered heart. Hearing how God was ministering to others in their suffering gave me the encouragement I needed to keep turning to Jesus, our ultimate source of hope and comfort.

Near the first anniversary of our son’s death, we attended GriefShare’s special “Surviving the Holidays” Seminar and learned practical strategies for how to navigate the holidays while grieving. We were invited to stay for our first candle lighting service there and to attend their 13 week program a second time through.

Towards the end of our second semester, I began to notice several group members’ growing faith and hope. I couldn’t see my own progress, but the light I saw in their eyes encouraged me to attend GriefShare a third time through and to eventually start a group of our own.

We heard a pastor say, “God is near the brokenhearted. If you want to be near the heart of God, be near the brokenhearted.” I think most people imagine like I did that attending a grief group would only make their grief worse. We do bring tissues to our meetings, but most of our conversations are actually filled with smiles and laughter because they revolve around how we are learning to live lives filled with the hope of our growing eternal perspective.

Our group members are often surprised by how much they learn and humbled by how God uses their faith and perseverance to encourage others. I am constantly amazed by the stories of how God is protecting, providing for, guiding and faithfully comforting each group member. GriefShare has given me a front row seat to little and big miracles of faith and hope and light each semester. God’s heart is tender, He is sensitive to our pain, knows the brokenness one bereaved parent feels for another, suffers and grieves with us, tenderly cares for us and carries us through all the years.

We still have these final exams, and our holidays are especially filled with longing and anticipation for Jesus to return and take us Home to be with Him, but we are learning to trust our caring Heavenly Father with our “Why?” questions and regrets and to turn to Him for the strength we need to keep going and hold onto our faith in the dark because we have experienced His nearness in our brokenness and fixed our eyes on the great love He has shown us through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

If you would like to know more about GriefShare, or other grief resources you may visit our GriefShare page on our church website @ RedlandHills.org/GriefShare

In His Love,

Jenny Coleman

Quotes, verses, and encouragement:
Our RHC GriefShare Facebook Page
Our RHC GriefShare Instagram Page
My Life Preserving Verses Instagram Page

GriefShare’s Free e-devotional and more

Perspectives from Heaven

December 7, 2022 / Jennifer Coleman / 7 Comments

Happy 10 years in Heaven today, Joel!

Joel, I love you so, so much. I am SO grateful for you.

You must be so proud of how bravely your big brother, Josh, and his wife, Cora, are enduring the great suffering he is experiencing. We are so proud of the way he is fighting for his life as he searches and waits for someone healthy enough to qualify to donate a kidney on his behalf and in doing so gives him the gift of life.

I know you can’t wait to see him again, but I am really hoping that I get to meet you and Jesus at Heaven’s gates before he does. He and Cora would really like to welcome children of their own into their family and raise them to live well for Christ. I hope that it is part of God’s plan to use them to start giving me lots of grandkids one day soon. It breaks my heart that Dad and James and Judi and I are not healthy enough to donate a kidney for him.

I’ve been thinking about the perspective you and the other saints in Heaven must have on the unseen things here on earth and above and how you know how immensely important and intense the battle against the forces of darkness is and the consequences that hang in its balance. You see the passion of Jesus burning like fire in His eyes. You see our heavenly Father’s face and His incredible love and tender care for us. You see His angels and saints and hear their stories and see the glory Jesus is winning through them all.

I’ve been thinking how you and other saints in Heaven must be so moved to pray for us and how puny and apathetic my prayers must seem in comparison. I am so thankful that Holy Spirit is working on that in me.

Dad and I started reading a new book by Randy Alcorn on Heaven this week. It’s called “We Shall See God.” Randy shares many of Charles Spurgeon’s sermons on Heaven and comments on them in it. We’re only on chapter three and it is Ah-MAZING! I can already tell I am going to want to read this book over and over again.

Randy’s wife, Nanci, joined you in Heaven earlier this year. Have you met her? I imagine Mamalene and Granddad introduced you to Charles Spurgeon a long time ago. They loved his sermons.

Last night, these portions of Spurgeon’s sermon stood out to me:

"Brothers and sisters, we are like warriors fighting for the victory; we don't as yet share in the shout of triumph. Even up in Heaven [the saints] have not yet received their full reward."

I knew you must be praying because you are with Jesus in His Father’s House and Jesus declared, “It is written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer’” (Matthew 21:13) so it must be so. I have personally experienced the powerful effects of the prayers of the saints (both of those cheering from Heaven and of those still running beside me on earth). Knowing that you are apart of the great cloud of witnesses cheering us on has helped me tremendously to endure and to keep turning to and fixing my eyes on Jesus the “the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

I had not considered that you were still waiting to receive your full reward though I’ve meditated on these verses since early in our journey of missing you:

“And when the Lamb opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the testimony they had upheld. And they cried out in a loud voice, ‘How long, O Lord, holy and true, until You avenge our blood and judge those who dwell upon the earth?’

Then each of them was given a white robe and told to rest a little while longer, until the full number of their fellow servants, their brothers, were killed, just as they had been killed.” – Revelation 6:9-11

I know that waiting means enduring and enduring, cheering and praying are all ways that we battle for the Heavenly Kingdom. You are a brother warrior fighting for the victory with us. What a beautiful thing to realize as we continue to battle on the 10th anniversary of your entrance into Heaven!

Spurgeon goes on to say:

"Those in Heaven are blessed, but they have not had their public entrance. They are waiting till their Lord shall descend from Heaven with a shout, with the trump of the archangel and the voice of God. Then their bodies shall rise; then the world shall be judged; then the righteous shall be divided from the wicked. And then, the Prince at their head, the whole of the blood-washed host, wearing their white robes, and bearing their palms of victory, shall march up to their crowns and to their thrones to reign forever and ever! For this fulfillment the believing heart is panting, groaning, and sighing."

He is right! Romans 8 tells us this is so. You and others who were slain are still resting, waiting and longing for the Lord to avenge your blood and judge those who dwell on the earth. You are waiting for the full number of saints to be killed. You are waiting for our resurrection and the Lamb’s victory fulfilled. You are waiting, and groaning with all of creation, the Spirit and all of the saints for the shout that will accompany the Lord’s descent and the “redemption of our bodies” (Romans 8:18-27).

You are blessed. You no longer suffer or die or mourn the way those on earth do. You cheer and wait and groan in battle with us through prayer.

Spurgeon continues:

"A Christian's experience is like a rainbow, made up of drops of the griefs of Earth and beams of the happiness of Heaven. It is a checkered scene, a garment of many colors. He is sometimes in the light and sometimes in the dark. The text says, "We groan." ... We groan within ourselves. Our sighs are sacred things..."

Isn’t that a beautiful way to express it?! On earth we experience the “beams of the happiness of Heaven” mixed with drops of grief. Our good Heavenly Father shines His glorious Light through our sorrows and we remember His promise that “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18). Your faith has become sight in Heaven. You continually experience only the “beams of the happiness of Heaven” there, yet you continue to wait and cheer and groan. Our groans and sighs are sacred things that reach through the veil.

A friend at church shared with me Sunday that she recently had a vision where the Lord pulled her into Himself and so far into the universe away from her problems until the earth looked like a tiny speck. She said she resisted being pulled away at first, but then everything was so beautiful. Jesus pointed at her life on the earth and asked her, “What do you see?” She answered, “It’s only a minute.” She saw the smallness and brevity of her earthly life and problems compared to the vastness of God and eternity.

Our life is but a vapor. I want to use my minute well. I want to make you proud that I am on your team battling and groaning, enduring and waiting well on behalf of the Kingdom of Heaven. I want an eternal perspective that sees the unseen eternal things that hang in the balance. I want to continue to endure and fix my eyes on Jesus and run my race for the joy set before me as He did. I want to see the passion burning like fire in His eyes. I want the steadfast lovingkindness, compassion and mercy of our heavenly Father to burn in my heart through the power of Holy Spirit so that my prayers might be set ablaze, no longer embarrassingly puny and apathetic. I want my minute to become a story that glorifies our Great and Victorious Lamb of God.

I love you, I am proud of you and I am looking forward to seeing you again soon!

Much love,

Mom

Josh learns about IgA Nephropathy and his need for a kidney transplant

Josh and Joel a few days before Joel was murdered by a stranger with an AK-57 before Josh’s eyes

Joel, Josh, Judi and James on a homeschool field trip

Meditations on Psalm 84

September 8, 2022 / Jennifer Coleman / 2 Comments

How lovely is Your dwelling place, Yahweh of Hosts!
My soul longs, even faints, for Yahweh’s courts;
My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God.
Psalm 84:1-2

Psalm 84 is one of my favorite psalms. It mirrors my heart’s longing for God’s courts. Joel and I used to run around the house singing and dancing verse 10 with all our might:

“Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere!”
Psalm 84:10

I was working on memorizing the psalm one day when verse 4 stood out to me:

How happy are those
who dwell in Your house;
they are ever praising You. Selah.
Psalm 84:4

O, LORD of Host, How happy are those who trust in You!

In the depths of my longing, it’s easy to forget “how happy” Joel must be living in God’s house. Happy. Joel is not sad that he died. He’s running around God’s house singing and dancing, “Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere!” with all of his might.

The next few verses say:

How happy are those
whose strength is in You,
hearts set on pilgrimage.

Passing through the Valley of Weeping
they make it a spring
Yes, early rains cover them with blessings.

They go from strength to strength;
each appearing before God in Zion.
Psalm 84:5-7

This December will mark 10 years of happy days for Joel in God’s house and 10 years of deep longing and even fainting for God’s courts for me. A huge part of my heart went with Joel to Heaven. The part of my heart that remains is not torn apart forever, but set on a pilgrimage towards wholeness in appearing before God in Zion and having Him tenderly wipe away the last of my tears.

My strength often fails, but God’s strength never does. When I turn to Him for help, He is faithful to comfort, strengthen and cover me with the blessing of the early rains of His Spirit. His presence in my Valley of Weeping fills me with joy. Living in the dichotomy of it all is hard which makes me oh so happy that I am only passing through. Knowing that God will supply the strength I need for every situation is carrying me from strength to strength to the courts I long for. My heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God!

For the LORD God is our sun and shield;
the LORD gives grace and glory:
He withholds no good thing
from those who walk with integrity.
O, LORD of Host, How happy
are those who trust in You!
Psalm 84:11-12

In His Love,

Jenny Coleman

Spiritual Warfare: Developing Resilient Faith

August 2, 2022 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

My husband, Mike, led a community group in our home this summer called “Resilient Faith” by Mary Jo Sharp based on 1 Peter. The questions were very thought provoking and hearing from and getting to know the individuals in the group was such a blessing.

As an introduction to our topic in our first meeting, we watched Paul David Tripp’s video on Gospel Hope When Life Doesn’t Make Sense:

One thing really stood out to my husband and I when we watched it this time:

“Suffering is spiritual warfare.”
Paul David Tripp

I wish every believer understood this and surrounded suffering believers and unbelievers with prayer, encouragement in the faith and loving practical support through suffering.

In our last discussion on the last part of 1 Peter, this truth came to light:

Loving God and loving others is spiritual warfare.
Our Community group

Hearing each of these bookend statements honestly blew me away.

I had never heard this in 50+ years of my Christian walk.

Meditating on this and allowing it to take root and bear fruit in my life could be so transformative.

I spent some time meditating on the last part of 1 Peter and reviewing my notes from our discussion and started this list of things that I am seeing now as spiritual warfare:

Humbling your self
Surrendering to God
Abiding in Christ
Faithfulness in spiritual disciplines
Casting your cares
Trusting God
Being sober
Resisting the devil
Devotion to prayer
Knowing that others are suffering
Caring for orphans and widows
Serving others
Staying the Word
Learning what is good
Living to please God
Leaning on God’s grace
Coming to Jesus for rest
Standing in faith
Growing to understand your hope
Taking joy in your salvation
Looking forward to glory

I also wrote a short list of things we war against:

Selfishness, pride, discouragement, worry, fear, our flesh, and our adversary the devil.

How? (see previous list)

I am so grateful for the examples and wisdom that was shared in our group… for the spiritual warfare that was waged and I am excited to see the lasting fruit that comes out of it for the glory of God 💕

In His Love,

Jenny Coleman
RHC GriefShare facilitator