Through Every Season

Where are you hiding?

Every since I was a little girl and went to my first Missionettes meeting and heard about missionaries around the world I’ve always wanted to be a missionary or do something great for God.  It’s good to desire to show your love to God in a great way because His love for us is so great.

When I was in my early twenties, I actually did get to be a missionary in Thailand.  I loved it.  Thailand was a land of beautiful people who were hungry for God, but while I was there I discovered that missionaries weren’t the mystical, angelic people that I had always imagined they were.  They were ordinary people like me.  
They have one of the most incredible jobs.  Some actually get paid to live their dreams of ministering to the people in the country God has called them to, but in day to day life.. sometimes they wonder if that pay will cover the rent and groceries for the week, sometimes they come up against walls and trials, sometimes their co-laborers say and do things that hurt them, sometimes they are the ones stepping on toes, somedays they wonder if they ever heard God in the first place, many times life seems just like the dull every day life in their home country, and somedays they wish with all their heart that they could run away home, get some rest, and see their family.
While I was in Thailand, I experienced a wonderful grace that enabled me to love and lay down my life for the people there, but there were many days that I spent doing the same kind of things I spent doing at home.. cleaning house (yes, missionaries houses have to be cleaned, too), caring for my baby, cooking dinner.. while my husband got to go out and preach and minister to people.
Finally I went to God in desperation, “God, is this what I came to Thailand to do?  I wanted to do great things for You.”  I heard very clearly that day that my job was to “Care for your husband and children.”  He showed me a verse in Titus 2:5.  Now I know that every young wife should know this verse, but to me it was very new.  “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God not be blasphemed.” After reading that I had to pray again, “Lord help me to be content to be a keeper at home.”  I’ve had to pray that many times since.  
I think there have been times that I was content, but each time I move (way too often) I get excited about what is it that God is going to use me for in this new place and the answer is still the same.  Actually this last time God spoke to me before we moved that my roll as a wife was going to be key.. that I needed to really focus on loving and respecting my husband.  
The funny thing is that when I do get to play a role that’s a little outside my wife/mom roll I freak out… “I can’t do it God!”  Then He has to remind me that “It’s not by might, nor by power, but by his Spirit.”  Many times He has had to teach me the lesson of not doing things in my own strength the hard way.  Even my mom and wife roles are overwhelming at times.. but He is always there to help me.. even in the darkest of nights.
I had more that I wanted to write.. but it’s 7 o’clock and time to put on my mom/wife hat again.


  1. Elayne

    I enjoyed reading your look back at your experiences in Thialand. I knew it was a hard time and wondered how you had processed it in the years that have gone by. I never stopped being surprised at how God really does use the hard times to make us more like His son.

  2. Camezi

    I feel like that, too. I want to do more, but I don’t know what. I ask God what I should do and he say, “You are already doing it.” So, why don’t I feel like it’s enough?

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