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An Honest Update: Not the One I Wanted to Write

July 19, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 1 Comment

Today I am taking a day of worship. It’s been a really long time.
It had been my normal way of life.
Work; Sew; Worship; Pray.
“All I want is Your will,” lyrics played from my ipod.
I couldn’t sing them. I don’t want God’s will at all.
I want mine. His feels risky.

I know He is good and all He wants for me is the best
and that He works all things for my good. BUT I don’t want
Him to have to work all things for my good.
I want to control everything in such a way that it’s all good to begin with.
“God, please, change of heart.”

I noticed that I’d started feeling safe (last few days).
I haven’t felt safe since I was diagnosed
with breast cancer a little over 18 months ago.
I’ve had at least a little “discomfort” since my surgery last June.
It’s hard to feel safe when you are in pain. Pain is stressful.

I realized I only felt safe because I’ve been refusing to really pray.
The kinda prayers that are two way.. where I listen and obey as well as talk.

I’ve been shooting off these kind of prayers when I notice Him..
“Oh, God, it’s You creeping into my thoughts. I am still kinda hurt.
Don’t really want to talk to you. You are scary. I don’t feel safe with
You in control. I’d rather pretend that I am in control and
can live happily ever after; no more facing death, loss, trouble.”
I don’t want to deal with stuff..
clutter, car repairs, food allergies, selling used books, school.

I only want to play; sew decorate.

I found a TV show I like to watch while home alone.
I never watch TV alone.

The noise helps cover up the silence
of not praying, worshiping and listening continually.

I was due for my one year check up last month.
I’d really rather keep pretending that I am in control
and avoid any more possibilities of
“suffering much from many doctors.”

I’ve stopped fighting the pain.
It took a really long time to accept that
it may be a part of the rest of my life.

I HATE when people ask how I am doing.
Mostly because it reminds me: I am the same.
I still have pain; pain that I can ignore when I busy
but that annoys the heck out of me when I try to relax.
I haven’t seen any improvement since last October.
My allergy is actually worse. Things that didn’t bother me.. bother me now.
How much more sensitive can.. I won’t even finish that question.

Please, think of some happy thought when you see me, instead of,
“Oh, I need to remember to pray for Jenny.”

I feel silly asking God to deliver me all the time..
I know I’ve asked enough, believed enough..

How are we supposed to live????? Pray and fast until healed?
Might help with the weight I’ve gained from stress eating.

How do you move on to the acceptance part of the grieving process
when you are praying and believing for wholeness and restoration?!

Months drag on, hopes raised and dashed at every little sign of
improvement or dis-ease. I want it all to end! I can’t take it anymore!

I’d rather accept what I have than live with
a split personality of acceptance/rebuking/pleading.
Then.. God whispers my name, or I see someone else’s suffering…
and I long for wholeness again. Not just for me,
but an overflowing wholeness that touches everyone I meet.

“Come on now, God, if You aren’t going to
heal me this side of heaven, just tell me.
I’d like to think happier thoughts when I think of You!!!”

God often speaks to me in dreams.
I dreamed of a weasel biting me two nights in a row.
Lost a bunch of sleep (sorry for the sleep deprived rant).
I have definitely felt like God has weaseled out of His promise to me;
felt like He has be come dangerous… might bite me if I let Him close.

My feelings are ALL WRONG; A LIE.
God is not a man that He could lie.
All His promises are YES AND AMEN IN JESUS.
I am healed by His stripes.
He loves me ACTIVELY..
not only in word but IN TRUTH!!!

“Lord, help me not to only know and believe but to trust.
Give me one heart and mind to love you.”

Worship brings it all out into the open.

Love,

Jenny

First Garden Harvest

July 3, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

My First Garden

May 8th

June 8th

July 2nd.

We had over 100° weather last week.. and I still only needed

to fill my self watering containers every other day.

Don’t ask about the tomato plant leaves.. they were
yellowing up when we had lots of rain every day. See?

Watching my watermelons grow has been so much fun.

This is what they looked like when we came home from CA.

They had flowers, lady bugs,

I had 9 baby melons at one point.

Only 4 survived (2 per plant) which is normal.

Maybe that’s why they are so expensive.

I used an old pair of pantyhose to make them slings.

Some of their leaves have brown and yellow spots now.??

I need an expert gardener to move in next door.

My pepper plants have been fun too..

Flowers

My baby jalapenos are huge now.

I heard that if you wait for them to turn red and

“cork” that they’ll be sweet & spicy, too.

Had lots of lady bugs in the spring, but think I needed

something bigger to eat whatever was eating my sweet pepper leaves.

They grew many more leaves and the peppers are looking good.

My first Cajun Belle was ripe this morning.

It’s tiny.. but good.

The birds decided that my tomatoes were ready to harvest before I did.

I seen them spying on my garden for weeks.

They been pooping on my watermelons too.

I was going to wait one more day to harvest..

but I guess they were ripe enough.
I just had to shoo them away again.
Time to make a scarecrow.

Love,

Jenny

More California Adventure

June 16, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

On Tuesday, Savannah had to go back to work and Mike, Judi and I

went to back to Disney and visited their California Adventure Park.

Our favorite ride was Toy Story Midway Mania. It almost always has at least

a 45 min. wait, no fast pass, and it’s basically only a 4D video arcade game??

You have to try it.

Part of what makes it so fun is the competition between

the riders in your car to break as many plates, pop as many

balloons, ring as many aliens and gain as many points as you can.

We discovered that the lines were a little shorter

during the nightly water and light show

which was actually better than Disney Land’s fireworks.

We stood in line around 2 hours for three 5 minute games.

The huge roller coaster behind it, “California Screamin’,”

was our second favorite ride at California Adventure.

It’s the second longest coaster in the U.S. and

what makes it really special is that it launches you

from zero to 55 miles an hour up the first hill in 4 seconds.

Even more fun the first time when you aren’t expecting it. 🙂

Our two other favorite coasters in the Disney parks

were Thunder and Space Mountain. 🙂

Judi and Mike also really enjoyed riding down Grizzly River right

before the park closed; it was extra special after dark.

Mike spent Wednesday through Friday at his conference

while Judi and I spent Wednesday running back

and forth between the two parks for fast passes

and to ride our favorite rides one last time.

We shared some spicy jambalaya at the Blue Bayou for lunch.

It was way over priced but has a nice atmosphere as

it overlooks the Pirates of the Caribbean boat ride.

On Thursday, Judi and I shared lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and

a piece of Kahlua Cocoa Coffee Cheesecake with a fudgy, brownie crust.

We were happy to be sharing the calories, and had more than enough to eat.

Then we walked three miles to our new, favorite outlet mall.

Judi actually asked Mike if we could move to CA so we

could live near this outlet mall. It was that awesome.

We bought a couple of new t-shirts; my flying giraffe glows in the dark.

And Judi’s Paris shirt gains color sunlight (last photo).

Friday was our girls day out with Savannah.

Savannah braved the traffic and took us to China Town for lunch and

shopping where Judi and Savannah found some cute black lacy shoes

and I bought a jade elephant necklace and bracelet to match.

Our next stop was Hollywood Blvd. where I was surprised

to discover that characters like Mikey Mouse,

Donald Duck and Kermit the Frog have sidewalk stars there.

Then she took us to Universal’s Citywalk where

Judi found the coffee shop that she’d heard so much about.

Defiantly better than Starbucks.

Before it got too late, we dove back to the mall across from

Disney Land for a little more shopping and dinner at

the Cheesecake Factory where we shared three appetizers

and a piece of Heresies Chocolate Cheesecake for desert.

It was so nice getting to spend so much time with Savannah.

We are so proud of the beautiful young woman she is becoming.

If we get to go again, we hope to spend some time hanging out

in her neighborhood and at her house with her dogs.

Love,

Jenny

Laguna Beach, California

June 15, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 1 Comment

We flew into CA on Memorial Day weekend.. so Savannah

actually got to spend 2 days with the 3 of us and a third day just us girls.

On Memorial Day, she took us to the Laguna Beach.

See the mansions up on the hill? They have a great ocean view.

We enjoyed wondering in and out the local shops.

Laguna Beach is a favorite beach for artist to come and paint.

It reminded us of our favorite beach

in Florida (Lido Key)…maybe even a little nicer.

Smile.

Knew this was a good one.

It was pretty crowded.. Memorial Day

Mike decided it was too cold to swim.

We learned that Savannah used to go surfing all the time..

She said the water in CA is always cold.

We should do this again sometime.

Love,

Jenny

Disney Land California

June 15, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

Our hotel in Anaheim was next door to the conference center

and just down the street from Disney Land.

This was Judi’s third trip to a Disney park.. Mike’s 9th..

My first trip to Disney World was with Mike on our honeymoon.

He’s been a few more times than I.

The two parks are a lot a like. We decided that the weather makes

Disney Land nicer.. but Epcot makes Disney World better.

We actually went inside the castle for the first time…

It was kinda cool.

Savannah joined us for lunch at Shakey’s

(Mike and Judi and I had their lunch buffet 3 times that week.)

then spent the rest of the day at the park with us.

Waiting in line for “It’s a Small World” ride.

The girls ducking the camera.

The girls joining in. Judi was so happy to have someone to ride with.

They hadn’t seen each other since Judi was 6 months old.

I think they enjoyed getting to know each other.

Mike and I like the quiet, boat rides the best.

It’s a small world after all..

Glad we don’t have to travel to Thailand to visit Savannah.

She got her U.S. Citizenship last year. 🙂

We had smoked turkey legs for dinner.. with plenty left over

for Savannah to take home to her dogs.

Love,

Jenny

Trip to LA

June 15, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 1 Comment

We had a great time in CA.

So glad Judi and I got to go with Mike on his conference trip.

Joel drove us to the airport at 4:30 AM.

Sunrise at the airport

Of the three of us..

Who looks the happiest to be a wake?

One of those mountains says HOLLYWOOD..

Our first time to see the sign in person.

And just outside the baggage claim door we saw

our first and only Hollywood star..

Mike jokingly said, “Look! There’s Monk!”

He’s always teasing about spotting celebrities..

When I looked up, there he was in the flesh.. the real “Monk,”

our eyes locked for several seconds as we walked by.

He was calling a taxi. He may have been on the same

plane with us. We could have had breakfast with him in the

Dallas airport. I couldn’t believe how star struck I was.

Judi asked incredulously, “Is that the real Monk?”

She couldn’t believe that he actually dressed

like the “Monk” on the TV show.

Judi offered to take our picture with him.

We couldn’t do it.

Go back and ask for a picture?

We’re way too shy.

Instead I took these lame pictures from where we waited for our shuttle.

He’s the one in the khaki pants and brown jacket standing

between the kid and his security guard.

And there goes his taxi.

Love,

Silly me.

Texas Smile Lines

May 25, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 3 Comments

The night we left for Texas, I looked in the mirror and noticed how

pronounced the little smile lines around my eyes are getting and wondered,

“Will anyone we visit say, ‘You haven’t aged a bit since I saw you last.'”

Savannah said something like that when we saw her last year in CA.

It makes you feel so good to hear it.. even when you know it’s not true.

It had been 16 years since we’d last seen her.

I think she actually meant I was thin rather than young looking.

I’ve gained 20 pounds since then.

This trip we heard something a little different.

From Mike’s aunt we got, “Where’s all your gray hair?”

and “Well, you don’t look sickly.”

I think maybe the things they’d heard about us

sounded worse than we looked and hopefully are.

Then when I posted this picture of my new
cowboy boots on FB, my Mom Commented:

“Oh, grandmother, what big feet you have.”

Love them both to death. I think they caused more smile lines in my face.

I had thought about trying to smile less to prevent my lines

from getting worse.. but only for a second.

I guess this camera angle does make my feet look a little bigger.

They are size 8.5. Is that big?

For those of you who don’t know (Mom), cowboy boots

are made with heals to help you stay in the stirrups

and with extra inch or two in the pointy ends,

so if a horse steps on your boots

(horses can be ornery) they miss your toes.

Will I ever out grow being embarrassed by my parents?

Guess that’s what I get for being so vain.

Love,

Jenny

Texas Trip for Six

May 25, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

We were so please that everyone was able

to get off work for our trip to Texas this time.

It had been 5 years since we had all been.

The only problem was that the cars we have now only hold up to 5 people.

It worked out well though, with two cars and three

people in each (divided up by musical taste)

we had plenty of room for guitars and food and

homeschool curriculum for my nephews and niece.

The only thing was that it cost us over $600 in gas.

Still cheeper than renting a van.

Our first stop in Texas was at Texas Pride Barbecue.

We arrived just a little too early at 10:45 AM

after driving 14 hrs. and 45 min.

Time to stretch and take photos:

Are these cows?

Joel stayed up most of the night trying to make sure

that the siblings driving his car didn’t fall a sleep.

Lunch family style.

After lunch, we drove the last two hrs. to Mo Ranch to see my family.

Mike and I saw a big gray fox there.. twice.. no photo.. too quick.

I didn’t take any pictures of my family.. because they are so much more

talented than I at taking pictures and it seems unfair to make

the kids pose one more time for another photo.

I did take some pictures of Mo Ranch’s Greenhouse.

I need to check out their chapel on another visit.

We had a great time seeing everyone.

I’ll have to blog more about it later..

Someone send pictures.

After Mo Ranch, we spent a few days in San Antonio.

We went to the Alamo, saw Switch Foot in concert and some dear friends..

James took these pictures for us with his ipad.

Remember the Alamo. It’d been a long time since Josh had been.

Judi and I tried on Joel’s new hippy glasses at County Line BBQ.

He’s so proud of them. Got a compliment on the 10 seconds after he bought them. Looked for a leather beaded vest to match the whole rest of the trip.

County Line’s BBQ beat out Texas’ Pride’s hands down.

We ate lunch at our favorite Mexican buffet, Ponchos.
Just raise the flag and they’ll bring you more to eat.

This is a picture from our favorite park in San Antonio, O.P. Schnabel.
Its been done up really nice with new maps and mile markers.
And the Bandera YMCA on the premises has a new
swimming pool with big double tube slide.

We also got a picture of the house we rented when we were expecting Judi.
The things I remember most about this house is that it had a garden
which I killed and we found mouse droppings on our key board.

We left Christmas day of that year for Mike’s first government job in IL.

Judi was born 10 days later. Glad she gave us some time to unpack.

One of the places we miss most in TX is our favorite grocery store, HEB.
We got to shop at the newest, largest HEB Plus: a whopping 182,000 sq. ft.
They sell everything from organic food, to T-shirts, to TVs.

We brought two HEB briskets, one large package of
HEB sausage, and one package of HEB Fajitas home to AL with us.
Anyone know how we can get it shipped?

We had a great time visiting Mike’s family near Breckenridge, too.
Karen and Kyle have grown by leaps and bounds.

Mike’s parents treated us to dinner at Chester’s,
the best hamburger place in SA.

There were so many grandkids that we split up to play hands and foot.

The winners of each table played a championship game.

These two computer nerds played a round too..
but were unable to defeat the runners up this time.

Mike’s aunt and uncle and two of his cousins stopped by for a visit.
All five of these cousins live in the area now; several are becoming
empty nesters and grandparents. It was great to catch up with them.

More when I have pictures.

Love,

Jenny

Rainbows and Double Rainbows

May 10, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

A few weeks ago Judi called me on her way home and said,

“Mom come out side.. there are rainbows.”

I made her back up and position my car under the rainbow. 🙂

There were at least 2 rainbows that day.. I think I saw three.

And since then there have been 2 more in the same spot.

Mike said maybe it’s a sign that we are doubly blessed.

We are so doubly blessed and I love the rain,

the nice Spring we’ve been having and the rainbows.

Thank you, Jesus.

Love,

Jenny

My SWC Garden (WIcking Planters expanded)

May 10, 2012 / Jennifer Coleman / 1 Comment

Last year one of my friends gave me a

houseplant/flower arrangement for my birthday.

It was a nice surprise.. but left me distressed..

I’ve killed every plant I’ve ever owned.

I looked up how to water plants (I can kill them by

over watering or under watering.. lots of experience)

and discovered Self Watering Containers and Wicking gardening.

The plants have gotten huge.. I’ve been having some

trouble with them getting “leggy” (a new plant word I learned).

And amended the soil with mulch for better drainage.. so far so good.

My husband also surprised me for my birthday

with some Purple Sensation Alliums.. you can read

about the Wicking Planters I built for them here.

A few weeks ago we bought some dianthus (the pink flowers)

to go with them at a botanical garden sale.

One of my alums bloomed early..and I wish

I had taken a picture.. because the others

aren’t doing so well and haven’t bloomed yet..

see their yellowing pointed leaves?

I thought their soil might not have enough drainage too.. but they

actually needed water today and had tiny webs on them.. spider mites?

I am thinking about rubbing them down with alcohol and

spraying some dawn water on them. E-how’s answer.

These flowers are doing great. I converted their pot into a SWC, too.

They look much better than last year when I was(n’t) watering them.

I got a new watering can for Mother’s day.

Isn’t it cute? I use it for the dogs and house plants.

And see the tumble weed behind it? Do you think it

rolled here all the way from Texas?

Before my alums started looking sickly I got all excited

about trying a SWC vegetable garden with Judi.

This is her last year to homeschool and I thought it’d be

a good learning experience for the two of us.

So after reading tons of stuff on the internet about

SWC, how to make your own, what you can grown in one,

soil recipes, how to grow small watermelons on a trellis,

and how to build a cheep trellis.. this is what I’ve got.

The two blue totes I had on hand and I bought the

three flexible totes and nylon trellis at Walmart for $5 each.

From left to right I have: Big Beef tomatoes, Mountain Pride tomatoes,

Jalapeno, Cajun Belle, Orange Bell Pepper,

and two Sugar Baby Watermelon plants.

So far so good. The watermelons have already doubled in size.

I am using a different soil recipe than I did for the wicking planters:

3 parts potting soil, 2 parts mini mulch,

and 1 part perlite (I used sand.. it’s cheeper).

I thought I could use the rest of the nylon trellis a cross the middle

to support the pepper plants.. it needs some re-thinking.

Love,

Jenny