I learned something this week from this great book I am reading with the kids (“After God’s Own Heart” by Mike Bickle).  In the chapter we are in he is talking about how 
1) Jesus came anointed with joy to show us the happy heart of God… 
2) Most people see God as sad or mad.. and how
3) That thinking keeps us distant from God.. and how
4) We need to see God receiving us with joy like in Jesus’ stories of the prodigal son and the 
lost sheep.
He said that God wants us to have a happy holiness not a religious, cranky holiness like the 
big brother of the prodigal son… and that, “Cranky holiness is usually the result of living 
with a wounded and rejected spirit while seeking to live right in your own strength.”   
This is a lesson I’ve been learning for a long time: Doing things in your own strength is bad… waiting on the Lord is good.  Allowing Him to fill you and give you grace is good.. His yoke 
is easy.. His burden is light.  I’ve had a lot of practice at learning to wait on and rely on 
God’s wisdom and strength in homeschooling (17 years) especially.
My struggle right now is all the weight I’ve been gaining since the last couple of moves and 
the increased dependance on comfort food.  It wasn’t a struggle when I gained it before 
because I didn’t care.. all I cared about was school.  
I lost all the weight before out of fear of being physically ill.  Now, unfortunately, I’ve 
found some things I can get away with eating and not be sick and I am a different kind 
of “sick”.. a sick that makes me happy when I eat bad food (peanut M&M’s and fries
 are my favorites) and sad and cranky when I eat good (holy, wholesome) food.
I’d been wishing I had some of that fear back.. but that wish plus the weight gain was 
making me even sadder and crankier.  
The week I had to go buy a whole new wardrobe for the extra 10 or so pounds I’ve 
gained I started repenting for trying to loose weight in my own strength (it wasn’t 
working.. obviously) and started praying that God would help me be good.. but it was 
a sad, cranky “Make me holy.” prayer.
So, now I am praying that God will change my desires and help me want to eat.. 
to crave the right food and to fill me with His wholeness so that I can stop running 
to comfort food. 
Mike and I had a date at Chick-Fil-A last night.  They have this really nice grilled chicken 
and fruit salad there, but what I really wanted was their chicken strips and fries.. 
so I decided to order them and enjoy them.. while I continue to wait on God to change 
my desires.  
During our date it came up that this week for the first time since moving to AL we were 
both starting to feel like this could be home.  We’ve always wanted AL to be home.. 
and even more so after our last move.. if just to avoid moving again (moving is so not fun).  After visiting our good friends in Florida just two weeks ago, I’d have to say that it’s a 
God step in the right direction.. toward wholeness and happy holiness.  
Maybe soon I’ll start to think that all that salad in the fridge sounds like a yummy treat.