I have had some difficult news this week, but God is good and on the Throne. He has everything under His control, and He works everything together for the good of those who love Him.
I have a secret. I am more radical lover of Jesus than any of you know, than even I can understand. I am sorry for keeping it a secret. I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. You can be, too, if you aren’t already. All you have to do is ask.
I used to see the commandments “Love God with all your heart, soul and mind. And love others as you love yourself.” as something I had to do. Then one day, I got sick of my own failure and dared to ask God to help me to love Him.
You see, our RIGHTEOUS is as filthy rags. All the love I could muster was filthy rags. But because of what Jesus did for us we ARE the RIGHTEOUSNESS of GOD in Christ Jesus. All we have to do is ASK and receive, tap into what Jesus has given us and walk in it.
God has given me so much through this revelation. I told him that I was tired of feeling luke warm; He gave me a deep burning hunger. I told him that I needed to love Him more; He gave me a love so deep that it scares me. And much more..
Several years ago, He started showing me my sin and the wrong thoughts that were leading me into it. I asked Him to forgive and change me and He did. I did NOTHING but ASK and receive. I was set free by the truth He was showing me. It’s been a wonderful, growing, freeing give (on His part) and take (on my part) relationship.
This week I went for my annual mammogram and some calcifications showed up on the films that they needed to biopsy. I had to wait for a couple of days for a report. I called a friend for prayer the week before and I have felt an overwhelming peace and joy ever since.
I normally am easily given to fear. I have a several verses that I speak over myself.. like “When I am afraid, I will trust in you,” “Let not your heart be troubled,” and “Perfect love drives out fear.” Somewhere in speaking those verses, I realized that fear is a choice just like happiness is a choice and God empowered me to choose not to be afraid. It was wonderful.
The report was not what I had hoped. I tested positive for DCIS which is an early stage of breast cancer that has a very high cure rate. You can read more about it http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dcis/DS00983
The decisions and road ahead of me are not easy, but I know that God loves me and will be with me every step of the way. I believe that I am the healed (past tense) of the beloved (Jesus, my betrothed) and I know my life is hidden in Him, and I trust Him wholeheartedly. Actually I am ASKING Him for the wholehearted part as I type. 🙂
Prayer request for now:
Total and complete healing.
An allergist, who can help me with going though surgery with a corn allergy (if not healed before then). If can read more about my struggle with corn here.
That I will know the right questions to ask the doctors and have WISDOM and PEACE about what I should do and whom I should let do it.
That my wonderful husband will have favor and be extremely successful in pulling together the new office he is sitting up in his job.
That my children will see what needs to be done around the house and have the grace and desire to do it.
That I will GLORIFY God through all of this.
Thank you for your prayers. I love you all very much. I will try to share all the wonderful secrets that I learn, keep you up to date with prayer request and all the wonderful things God is doing for, through and in me.