This post probably needs much more attention than I can give it today.
Last night the incision lines across my tummy started turning red..
so I am back on antibiotics which means;
I am fighting foggy brain, headache and yeast again.
Plus it’s that time of the month which makes it all a little more difficult to endure.
Since I have begun finding joy in Him,
I’ve been on the constant look out for things to be grateful for.
I am so very greatly blessed.. I have such a wonderful family..
that alone would be enough, but I have so much more,
and if I lost my family and all, I would still have Jesus with me..
and He alone is more than enough to fill me with thankfulness.
Since the beginning of my breast cancer diagnosis,
I’ve been thankful for many things;
thankful that God is still God and that He loves me,
thankful for how wonderful Mike has been through it all,
thankful that Jesus paid the price for my healing..
And thankful that things are not much worse;
thankful that they caught it early,
thankful that I didn’t have to do chemo,
thankful that I wasn’t loosing an arm or something much more dear to me,
thankful that I am young(ish) and healthy(ish) and should recover quickly.
At my last appointment in Birmingham, I met an older woman,
who had a similar surgery to what I had and had one breast that
would not heal.. 5 total surgeries on that one breast to try to correct
things.. still has a drain and is still on antibiotics..
I really have a lot to be thankful for..
This morning I started to wonder if it was right to let my
thankfulness wonder in that direction.. If it was right to take comfort
in the fact that my discomfort isn’t as great as someone else’s.
I am still praying on this..and I am beginning to realize that
that kind of thankfulness doesn’t fill me with the same kind of joy
that I get when I am thankful for example.. for God’s goodness.
Honestly, for me.. I think being thankful that things are not much
worse is a form of self pity.. and part of the problem with it
is that things can always get much worse… and that thought leaves me afraid.
I learned long ago that fear and joy don’t mix (nor do joy and anger).
So I am going to choose not to allow my thankfulness to wonder in that
direction for now.. concentrate on being thankful for better things..
hang on tight to the joy God has given me and not let anything steal it away.
(More on how in my next post.)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-4 MSG