Tag: Thoughts (Page 10 of 16)

Our God is a Mighty Victorious Warrior

March 16, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

The trees are blooming again! And I had to do a little hunting.

I found this cherry tree at Josh’s school, UAH.

The Lord your God is in your midst.

He is a mighty savior, a victorious warrior.

He celebrates and sings because of you!

He will take great delight in you.

He will quiet and refresh you with His love.

He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy

and delight you with His songs.

Zephaniah 3:17

This one I found down the street from a friend’s house. I love it.

It’s called a Black Tulip Magnolia tree. Bird’s nest.. an added bonus.

Love,

Jenny

“Carpe Diem”

March 11, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 1 Comment

“Enjoy the day, pluck the day when it is ripe.” Was the much needed Word I got early yesterday morning.

I wrote my last post just before going to see my nutritionalist and Dr. Harriman and asked for prayer, “Pray that I will have favor with Dr. Harriman and he will agree to do the lumpectomy only as a first and prayerfully last step and that my appointment with the nutritionalist will also be filled with wisdom and peace. “

My appointment with the nutritionalist went very well and I believe we had the wisdom and peace that we prayed for. Mike was able to get off work a little early and go with me to my appointment with Dr. Harriman. I am so thankful because it went the opposite of what we had hoped.

When you are diagnosed with DCIS, you are basically given two options. The first being lumpectomy with radiation and a drug that you are required to take for 5 years called Tomoxifen. Dr. Harriman was with us in that he didn’t believe radiation and Tomoxifen were very good options. They both can have very bad, long term side effects.

Option two is to have a mastectomy or double mastectomy. The cool part is that you can have reconstructive surgery at the same time. The uncool part is that it’s a very long surgery 8 hrs. or longer, recovery can take 8 wks. or longer, sometimes the reconstruction doesn’t take, and if you are lucky, you will no longer have any feeling in your sad, scared “breast” because one third will have phantom pains. The worst part about having a mastectomy is that they want to take a few of your lymph nodes and this can cause lymphedema (swelling in your arm) that can last the rest of your life. There is the possibility that they could find an invasive cancer in your lymph nodes and will want you to take chemo “therapy.”

In response to our desire to do a lumpectomy only as a first step Dr. Harriman repeatedly said, “That is ABSOLUTELY the WRONG decision. If you were my wife, I would drag you kicking and screaming for a mastectomy.” I did like him and I don’t think I can say that seeing him was a mistake, so “Where does that leave me?”

I am not sure. If we decide to do a mastectomy, we will do it in Birmingham because they have better options there for reconstruction. Yesterday, I called Birmingham to get things rolling that direction and got an appointment for a consultation with a plastic surgeon named Dr. Fix on Tuesday, March 22 at 9:00 AM. Once I see him and hear my options, he and my surgeon will have to find a date when they can both operate on me.

I will most likely ask them to wait until June because this year Mike and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. In May, we are flying to California to see Savannah, our daughter from Thailand, for the first time in 17 years. Then we are taking a 7 day cruse to Alaska. Yay!

What makes it really hard to make a decision is that although most American doctors will only give you the two options, there are in reality many, many more options. There is prayer and miraculous healing, there are natural healing alternatives, and there are medical doctors around the world that are curing cancer with other medical procedures.

After a much needed nap yesterday, I watched several of the Joseph Prince episodes that I’ve recorded on my DVR. He said several things that stood out to me. One was “That it’s more important to have peace than to be right.” You can send your life trying to be right, when choosing peace is life giving.

One series was about putting on “as a helmet the hope of salvation” from 1 Thessalonians 5:8. He says that hope is “the joyful, confident, expectation of good.” That we can’t live in the past thinking, “If only” or in the future thinking, “What if?” “God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) We have to live in the now where God is.

This very much fits with “Carpe Diem.” Thinking, “I may be having a mastectomy in June.” does not give a very easy feeling. Focusing on having “a joyful, confident, expectation of good” is a much easier way to live.

Another verse that he quoted was: Mark 11:24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. During worship a couple of Sundays ago, Jesus whispered in my ear “Receive your healing.” Ever since I’ve been speaking in faith, “I receive my healing.”

So now I am waiting with a “joyful, confident, expectation of good” for a very visible sign of healing. I wake up each morning looking for the angel of the Lord and hoping to hear him say, “You are made whole. Cancel all your doctors appointments.” My mom said that she, and Mike would have to see him, too. With God all things are possible. 🙂

If he doesn’t come, I am not sure what decision we will finally make, but I will still hold on to my “joyful, confident, expectation of good.” Maybe my “good” will be a supernaturally quick recovery. I know that God is faithful and will be with me every step of the way and that in it’s self is a special kind of miracle. Thank you, Jesus, for making a way for me.

Romans 5:13 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Love,

Jenny

Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work

March 1, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

James 1:2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Several years ago, once a month, I would have suicidal thoughts. Nothing ever came of them. They were mostly annoying. The worst part was after while, I would wonder if I was crazy or something, then I would start my menstural cycle and find relief in thinking they were caused by hormones. Now I think what was actually going on was that my enemy was taking an opportune time to attack me. Eventually, I learned to catch on to what was going on at the onslaught, rebuked the thoughts and stopped having them. Glory to God!

At the beginning of last week, the Lord dropped the verse above into my heart. The part about “don’t try to get out of anything prematurely” stood out. I was hurting and wanted out fast. Over the weekend my heart had begun to break over my diagnosis.

Saturday Mike and I went to Nashville for a city tour which turned out for me to be the opposite of a “getaway.” It seemed like everywhere I turned something reminded me that I wasn’t whole; from driving by the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center, to the mannequins in the Country Music Hall of Fame with two perfectly formed breast (really sad, I know).

The saddest part for me was that the biggest displays for the biggest “stars” were ones who had died of drug overdoses. The displays talked about how wonderful the person was, then were deafeningly silent on how to avoid their tragic end. In the gift shop, I found myself under the old, familiar attack of suicidal thoughts. This time it came through a different open door. I prayed in the Spirit and it stopped, but my heart was still breaking.

Wednesday, I spent the day listening to more of the “Healing School” CDs by Katie Souza. Session 4 was on the healing of your soul.. exactly what I needed. One of my deepest desires has been to pray for the sick and see them miraculously recover in Jesus’ name (I’ve had just a taste) then early this year the Lord added the desire to see the brokenhearted mended. What I didn’t know was that my own heart was wounded and needed healing before I could see my desires fulfilled.

I had a dream Monday morning about Jesus coming and binding my wounds then taking me into an office where He was cleaning up a mess. I couldn’t understand how an “office” related to me until I heard the CDs where Katie quoted this verse from the AMP

Luke 11:34 Your eye is the lamp of your body; when your eye (your conscience) is sound and fulfilling its office, your whole body is full of light; but when it is not sound and is not fulfilling its office, your body is full of darkness.

The eye is the window to our soul and my soul was darkened by the mess it was in. Wednesday through Friday were spent with the Lord shining His light on and healing different wounds in my soul. At first, it was extremely painful. I was not a very good patient. I was happy to run away to a field trips on Thursday, Friday and Saturday with the kids. And I think I was trying too hard. Our part is to trust and rest in His lovingkindness.

He started with the biggest hurts like the death of my Grandmother and worked down to the smaller ones like when I was a kid and these two doberman pinchers chased me from the bus stop to a friend’s house instead of the boy who had thrown rocks at them. My body escaped unscathed, but my heart hadn’t.

I’ve since become keenly aware of soul wounds in others. Seems like everyone I talk to now mentions a wound in their soul without even realizing it. Katie said to soak the wound in the “glory light of Jesus” though worship and not to focus on the hurt but on the healer. She used the story of Moses lifting up the serpent in the wilderness as our example. Our focus has to be on Jesus lifted up not the snake bite (or in my case the near dog bite).

I knew from experience that when God shows you something in your heart or way of thinking in your mind that shouldn’t be there, it’s because He wants to fix it. I have learned to see it as an opportunity to repent and rejoice because of the good work He was about to do in me, yet last week I continued to struggle. Even going to the grocery store was painful. I dreaded the cashier’s friendly, “How are you today?” because my answer, “Good. How are you?” came with a cringe in my soul.

Finally, God reminded me of the part of Psalm 23 that says “He restores my soul.” I repeated it to myself over and over until the pain lessened. Now I can say “It is well with my soul.” with joy and peace again. 🙂

I am not sure what comes next. I had a dream that I was sitting at a small, wobbly, primitive table about to be served, but I had no silverware or plate or cup. Not the way I imagine God preparing a table. So now I am claiming the rest of Psalm 23.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
      right in front of my enemies.
   You revive my drooping head;
      my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
      every day of my life.
   I’m back home in the house of God
      for the rest of my life.

I found this song today and thought it went with my week last week.

We meet with a surgeon, oncologist and radiologist at UAB Thursday morning.

Love,

Jenny

Psalm 63

February 19, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

My verse for today..

Psalm 63

1 O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,

In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

2-4 So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,

drinking in your strength and glory.

In your generous love I am really living at last!

My lips brim praises like fountains.

I bless you every time I take a breath;

My arms wave like banners of praise to you.

5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast
I will praise you with songs of joy.
6 I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
7 For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice.

8 My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You;

Your right hand upholds me.

9 But those who seek my life to destroy it,
Will go into the depths of the earth.
10 They will be delivered over to the power of the sword;

They will be a prey for foxes.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;

Everyone who swears by Him will glory,

For the mouths of those who speak lies will be stopped.

A few months ago I started gathering a collection of my favorite Psalms.

I purposely left out all the parts that said things like “God kill my enemies,” because I was thinking in the natural of the people who were trying to take David’s life.

I felt kinda funny about “editing” the Bible that way

and knew something had to be wrong with it, but justified myself thinking

that maybe pre-Jesus it was impossible to love your enemies.. and now

that we are living in New Covenant times we have grown past those verses.

I felt pretty strongly about not keeping the verses

because after learning several years ago that “Hurt people hurt people,”

I had purposely developed a habit of walking in compassion and

forgiveness towards the people who hurt me.

And I definitely wouldn’t want God to destroy anyone on my behalf… until now.

This week a friend introduced me to

“The Healing School” CD set by Katie Souza of Expected End Ministries.

And Katie reminded me that I do have an enemy.. not of flesh and blood but..

“against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world

and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Eph 6:12

I love to pray and intercede and war, but my deep desire is to worship

and sometimes war seems like an added bother. It’d sure be nice if the devil would

just admit his defeat and give up and run away with his tail between his legs.

He obviously hasn’t. There is still evil in this world and it’s up to us

to usher in God’s light and overcome the darkness.

And we can do it through His strength, goodness and faithfulness.

Worship and war are inseparable and

that is why they found are together in the Psalms.

My view of the “Destroy my enemies” Psalms has forever changed.

“Get them God. Destroy my enemies. Cut off those who seek to destroy me.

Send them to the depths of the earth. Defeat them with Your sword!”

I am hearing something like this from God:

I am His child. He claims me as His.

I am to rest in the shadow of His wings where His healing

beams are and feast on His love and goodness while He destroys my enemies for me.

He is a great and mighty warrior and in the end I am going to bask in His glory.

Jeremiah 1:8 and 20:11, 2 Chronicles 20:15, Malachi 4:1-3,

Psalms 23, 24, 36, 63 and 91

I have an appointment here on Tuesday with a nutritionist

that I hope can teach me how to take better care of myself naturally.

Then another appointment in Birmingham at UAB with a surgeon

named Dr. Helen Krontiras on Thursday, March 3rd in the morning.

We have to be there early for more mammograms and I am praying:

A. That between now and then my enemy will be defeated and I will

be completely and totally healed and the new mammograms

will shock and confuse the doctors and

I will come out of there rejoicing and the devil will be

so sorry he ever messed with me.

(and a distant) B. If mammograms show same thing as before,

God will give Mike, I and the doctor wisdom and agreement about what to do.

Thanking Jesus for His lovingkindness and for teaching me why He

wrote the Psalms the way He did.. He is so much wiser and higher than I .. 🙂

Jenny

The Blessing of the Lord Makes You Truly Rich

February 12, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

I love this verse from Proverbs

The blessing of the Lord–it makes [truly] rich, and He adds no sorrow with it [neither does toiling increase it]. Proverbs 10:22 AMP

I love that God loves to make us truly rich in every way and that He adds no sorrow with it. And that there is absolutely nothing I can do to earn more love or favor or blessing. Jesus has earned it all for me. It’s all mine.

I found a great collection of healing scriptures and confessions by Joyce Meyer.

You can look at it/download it here.

Love,

Jenny

Having a “Good Day” and Spiritual Warfare

February 11, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

I Peter 3:10

Whoever would love life

and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.

To me everyday is a good day. Bad things happen sometimes, but they are still good days because God is good and He makes all things new everyday and is always working all things for my good. I never judge a day by what happens in it.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I have to press closer into God to make it through but they are still good days because His mercies are new every morning, His grace and truth carry me through each and every moment.

Wednesday night, I felt something heavy at the pit of my stomach, then yesterday there was kinda a funk in the air. Before lunch, I decided to take my laundry in my room, close the door and turn on my worship music. I have an ipod speaker system in my room and often set my ipod to play a random list of songs while I worship in my “closet.” Every time “just the right song” plays.

This time it was “They that Wait.”

One run through of that song and I realized that I had been attacked by doubt, conquered it, and was set free into joy again. Worship is a powerful spiritual weapon. I love it!

When you are worshiping, it’s easy to move beyond keeping your tongue from evil into declaring His wonders with David.

Psalm 40:5
Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.

Love,

Jenny

2nd Law of Thermodynamics

February 11, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

A couple of months before I went for my mammogram, the Lord began speaking to me about my appearance. Kinda gave me a pep talk encouraging me to work on it more.

I tend to fall into decay just like the earth under the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. One of the major reasons I believe it takes a whole lot more faith to believe in evolution than it does in a Creator.

In the winter months especially, there are all those holidays with all that wonderful food, and when it’s cold, I like nothing better than to bundle up in nice stretchy sweats and a hoodie. Most of my time is spent at home schooling the kids, so what’s the point of looking nice?

The point is our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we need to do our best to make sure it’s glorifying Him. It’s much easier for us to reach out and love those around us when are in the best physical shape that we can be in. Just being in the presence of someone who is physically, mentally and spiritually fit is a blessing.

I’ve known this for a very long time, but have a very hard time with followthrough. I am praying that as I repent that God will work in me the will and the act of His good purpose (Philippians 2:13). I have a lot to learn about physical fitness and nutrition. I don’t want my body to remain in the same condition that allowed the mutated cells to live in the first place.

I’ve made a little progress since Monday. I have an appointment with a radiologist in Birmingham on Tuesday morning. She is doing a trial study where instead of going for 5 days a week for 6 weeks of radiation, they are giving it twice a day for 5 days with good results. The more I read about my diagnosis and radiation the more I move away from the idea of doing any radiation.

My mom has been a great help to me. She and Mike are both studying and researching with me. I am so thankful for the Wisdom that they both walk in and their prayers and encouragement.

This is the verse that I keep coming back to. I am so happy that God is my God and I am His possession. He makes all things beautiful.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Love,

Jenny

Blogging

February 8, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

Yesterday was so jam packed with doctor appointments (mine, our puppy, Zoë’s, and one for James, too), that when I woke up this morning it took me a while to realize that it was only Tuesday and not Saturday. ha ha

Blogging is going to be so much different now. Up until now I’ve only had my Mom, two sisters and one or two friends ever look at it. I didn’t have to worry much about what I said, but was still very careful to write exactly what I wanted to say and took time to re-read through everything and tried to check my grammar and everything.

The kids would complain from time to time that I spent too much time on my blog. I thought, “You should see how few post I’ve written.” And they didn’t know that when I wrote post about deep heart stuff, that sometimes I spent days praying about what I wanted to write before I even started.

Now I don’t want to let too many days go by with out updating my blog. One: because I know what it’s like to have a dear, young friend with breast cancer and to be praying fervently and to long for news.

Two: because although I really would rather just have this little journey done and over with quickly then soon forgotten, it’s probably better that I relish every day of it.. the same as I’ve learned to relish and enjoy each and every day of my life and write as much as I can, so I can remember God’s faithfulness to me.

Much of the time, the reason I write my blog has been to give a testimony of God’s goodness to my kids. They don’t read my blog. They think they know everything about me and that it would be super redundant, and they are probably right because through my years of homeschooling I discovered that sharing my love for Jesus and my life with them is what being a parent is about.. you know Deuteronomy 6 ..and being at home for school has enabled me to do a lot of that.

For example, Judi and I have been reading this wonderful book by Sarah Mally called “Before You Meet Prince Charming.” I have been soooo happy with it. If you know anyone with a daughter who is ages 12 or up, I suggest you get it for them or if you have a daughter that age, that you read it with them. It’s about purity and she has said everything I would like to say to Judi and more. Reading it with her has enabled me to share much of my heart about purity with her. One of the last things we read was about defrauding and how in dating it’s easy to lead someone on because you like the attention, how that is a form of defrauding and hurts the other person deeply.

Back to what I was leading up to.. I need to be more spontaneous now.. write and post and not worry to much about grammar, and if or not the “secret” I want share might be too personal, or what someone might think about it, or wither or not I am ready to be criticized for it, or if later I will look back and think, “That was so childish.”

So here’s my secret for today.. The last 7 or so years I have been so completely in love with Jesus and so long to see Him and to be with Him that I am so totally fine with leaving this earth that I have actually prayed more than once that I could be like Enoch who walked with God and then wasn’t. I am ready when He is..

BUT I know I STILL need my Mom and Dad and I still really, REALLY need my wonderful husband.. so even though my heart longs for Him to be ready to take me now.. I hope He isn’t so I can be here for my husband and kids and I intend to live a really long, wonderful life filled with many grandchildren and great-grandchildren, too.. AND I fully expect to be here when Jesus comes back in the clouds.

This is one thing my kids do know about me. I think about it a lot and it’s hard not to tell them because I really, REALLY love being with Jesus and I really, REALLY want to see Him coming in the clouds, and I really REALLY want to see my children happily married with lots of wonderful little blessings to call me Grams.

Time to run (not think or check my grammar),

Love,

Jenny

God is Good and on the Throne

February 6, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 0 Comments

I have had some difficult news this week, but God is good and on the Throne. He has everything under His control, and He works everything together for the good of those who love Him.

I have a secret. I am more radical lover of Jesus than any of you know, than even I can understand. I am sorry for keeping it a secret. I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. You can be, too, if you aren’t already. All you have to do is ask.

I used to see the commandments “Love God with all your heart, soul and mind. And love others as you love yourself.” as something I had to do. Then one day, I got sick of my own failure and dared to ask God to help me to love Him.

You see, our RIGHTEOUS is as filthy rags. All the love I could muster was filthy rags. But because of what Jesus did for us we ARE the RIGHTEOUSNESS of GOD in Christ Jesus. All we have to do is ASK and receive, tap into what Jesus has given us and walk in it.

God has given me so much through this revelation. I told him that I was tired of feeling luke warm; He gave me a deep burning hunger. I told him that I needed to love Him more; He gave me a love so deep that it scares me. And much more..

Several years ago, He started showing me my sin and the wrong thoughts that were leading me into it. I asked Him to forgive and change me and He did. I did NOTHING but ASK and receive. I was set free by the truth He was showing me. It’s been a wonderful, growing, freeing give (on His part) and take (on my part) relationship.

This week I went for my annual mammogram and some calcifications showed up on the films that they needed to biopsy. I had to wait for a couple of days for a report. I called a friend for prayer the week before and I have felt an overwhelming peace and joy ever since.

I normally am easily given to fear. I have a several verses that I speak over myself.. like “When I am afraid, I will trust in you,” “Let not your heart be troubled,” and “Perfect love drives out fear.” Somewhere in speaking those verses, I realized that fear is a choice just like happiness is a choice and God empowered me to choose not to be afraid. It was wonderful.

The report was not what I had hoped. I tested positive for DCIS which is an early stage of breast cancer that has a very high cure rate. You can read more about it http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dcis/DS00983

The decisions and road ahead of me are not easy, but I know that God loves me and will be with me every step of the way. I believe that I am the healed (past tense) of the beloved (Jesus, my betrothed) and I know my life is hidden in Him, and I trust Him wholeheartedly. Actually I am ASKING Him for the wholehearted part as I type. 🙂

Prayer request for now:

Total and complete healing.
WISDOM
An allergist, who can help me with going though surgery with a corn allergy (if not healed before then). If can read more about my struggle with corn here.
That I will know the right questions to ask the doctors and have WISDOM and PEACE about what I should do and whom I should let do it.
That my wonderful husband will have favor and be extremely successful in pulling together the new office he is sitting up in his job.
That my children will see what needs to be done around the house and have the grace and desire to do it.
That I will GLORIFY God through all of this.

Thank you for your prayers. I love you all very much. I will try to share all the wonderful secrets that I learn, keep you up to date with prayer request and all the wonderful things God is doing for, through and in me.

Love,

Jenny

Scrapbooking Up a Storm

January 5, 2011 / Jennifer Coleman / 2 Comments

I normally scrapbook 5 to 7 pages once a year starting in October

and send copies to my family in Texas as Christmas gifts.

Kinda narcissistic, I know, but I do it because I love to receive scrapbook

pages in return of their families. Does that make me even more narcissistic?

We don’t get to see each other often enough and I love to see pictures of my

nephews and niece and what they are doing in scrapbooks and on my sister’s blogs.

This year we met them in Arkansas in October, then my in-laws came

to visit in November.. so I didn’t start scrapbooking until December.

It’s January now and a record breaking 29 pages later

(we did a lot this year) I am still scrapbooking.

I only have 3 or 4 pages to go.. I will defiantly not be sending copies of them all.

Choosing which pages should go to who might be challenging.

I’ll try to pick the ones I think the kids will enjoy the most.

We had had snow Christmas day.. that added these 3 pages..

We had 4-6 inches of snow over Christmas weekend.. a new record for Huntsville.

Missed church because the roads were icy.

Josh got to help build the snowman this time.

He actually took the lead and insisted perfection out of Joel and Judi.

They spent over an hour on him.

James hid out in his room on the computer.

I should have made him come out for the last picture.

So happy to have so many pictures to scrapbook. 🙂

Love,