Tag: God’s Handiwork (Page 1 of 5)

God, thank you for tears.. for the creative way you designed us to release emotion. Like a refreshing rain, they release my soul from the muck and mire… mostly because I know that You give them audience. You listen to the prayers I can’t pray. You listen to my tears.

Thank you for collecting them in Your bottle.

Thank You for giving them audience.

God, I need help. I am desperate for help.
There is so much I don’t know..
How much more sorrow is left?
How I am I supposed to face it?
How much more will you ask of me?

I’ve had to let go of so much this year. I’ve had to trust you through such a weighty fog.

It’s hard.. you’re asking a lot.. but I see the proud gleam in your eyes that says that you ask so much because you know I love you that much.

Thank you for speaking to me with your eyes.. for letting the fog dissipate a little.. giving me a glimpse of Heaven.

Lord, I don’t know how much I love you. I really don’t. And it bothers me. I wish that I knew deep in my inner being that I loved you with all of me.

All, Lord? The truth is that losing Joel has taught me that I know very little about what is deep inside of me. My inward parts are so much larger and more unfathomable than I ever imagined.. an abyss.

Consuming love, fierce longing, profound sadness and fountains of joy all fit inside of me? Sometimes, it frightens me.

I possess so little of my heart, soul and mind.

Who can offer or even hold so great a possession?

So much of me is shattered. I don’t know what part will function from day to day. I am continually faced with walking so precariously close to this confounding precipice.

Rope? What rope? There was a rope?

Is that why you asked us to love you will all our heart, soul and strength? To cause us to look inside and be amazed at how little we control.. even inside ourselves?

I am learning to push away the care and worry of this journey. I am freer because you’ve taught me that all I can do is continually:

Put my hope in You..
Fix my eyes on You..
Lean in..
Press up against Your wings..
Cast my burdens..
Come to the only One who has living water for the weary..
Remember that You are good..
that You are holding me..

God! You must be so BIG!

SO, SO BIG to hold so much.. so many!

Lord, I know that it’s good to count the cost.. and that You are asking us to do that now.

It’d be easier to wrap ourselves up in a little bubble. Just the two of us.. off on romantic getaways.. or maybe with friends who like to talk and eat.

Lord, it sounds so nice. But in reality it is shallow.. a broken cistern that holds no water.. a dirty, dusty shadow of a well that can never satisfy the abyss of longing in my soul. Food, friends, talk.. can never be enough.

You are asking for more.. and offering more. It is costly and rewarding. It’s so strange to think about.

I don’t even know what You are asking yet. I only know that it’s going to cost more of me.. more than I possess. I only know that it’s going to mean drawing near to the hurting, hurting with them (compassion – “suffer with”) and comforting (“strengthening”) them with the comfort You are giving me.

Matthew 13:45-46 “Again, the kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

Lord, thank you for creating us with this incomprehensible worth and loving us so extravagantly. We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made and loved.

Thank You for giving up everything to come..  for being moved by compassion.. for humbling Yourself.. for not counting Your position.. or even Your own comfort as something to be grasped.

Thank You for becoming flesh to comfort us.. to “suffer with” us. Thank you for laying down Your life to redeem us.

Thank You for coming as a babe and for Your promise to come again so that we can be with You in Your Father’s house where He will wipe away our tears and sorrows.. where mourning and death will be no more.

Thank You for being our strength… our comfort.. our joy.. our salvation. Thank You.

Lord, when I meet You face to face, I want to have given all of me freely. I want to obey.. to follow in Your footsteps.. to be conformed into Your image.. to love like You.

Lord, I don’t know.. can’t fathom.. what I have to give, but I want to see it redeemed and used for Your glory. Redeem what is left of me. Work every thing together for good as You promised. The promises that You are working and will return are the promises that consume me with longing. My eyes strain to see them fulfilled.

Lord, help me to remember that the I that I used to be no longer lives. Help me remember that I was crucified with You on that cross.. and that it’s You that now lives in me. Help me to see with Your compassionate eyes and love out of Your extravagant love. Help me to let go of the false comforts that my flesh grasps for, so I may receive the much greater comfort of You living in and through me.

Be with us today.. and every day.. as we are missing Joel and he is celebrating 4 years of living in Your house.

Held together only by Your love,

Jenny

In my hardest, darkest days the only thing that comforts me is meditating on who God is.

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

When “I lift my eyes to the mountains..” I remember “the Maker of Heaven and earth,” my Helper and Watcher over me. The majesty of the mountains remind me of the Lord.. the Maker of the mountains.. God’s majesty.. the wonder of how the mountains came to be. The same Maker who formed the mountains is the Maker who watches over me.

When I lift my eyes, I find comfort in who God is; in His Glory.

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.

God’s glory is all around us.. in the spring rains.. in flowers.. in creepy crawlies.. under the microscope.. through the telescope.. throughout the universe.. in every person created in His image. His glory is there.. you only have to see.

I lift my eyes to the mountains.. and remember the force that caused the mountains.. that that force.. that POWER.. wielded with the same LOVE that held Jesus to the cross.. is the same power that raised Him from the dead… and now dwells in me. It is the same power that helps me.. strengthens me.. that is a shade for me, and watches over my life, and keeps me from all harm. The Maker of Heaven and earth watches over both my coming and going.. now and forevermore.

I can’t say that I don’t stumble over the “keeps me from all harm” part. Harm has come to me.. through breast cancer and other ailments… and through the worst kind of harm… the murder of our youngest son. But God has been with me. He has been my shade. He has been gentle  and loved me tenderly and spoken the truth in love when I needed it. He will never ever leave or abandon me. He is Love, Faithful and True. That same majestic power that formed the mountains will carry me safely home to no more death, mourning, crying or pain. When I lift my eyes to the mountains, I get a glimpse of God’s glory. The Glory I long to behold and reflect perfectly.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. – 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

Favorite Picture of Joel in the Smokys

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Heaven, Joel’s last day here, his first day in Heaven and Joel hiking in Heaven.  I’ve found that most of my favorite pictures of Joel are of when we were hiking and really look forward to hiking in Heaven with Jesus, Joel, Mike.. anyone who will love Jesus and His creation with me.

Joel finding pleasure in surprising me.

I been thinking how odd it is that the worst night of my life thus far was the beginning of the best day in Joel’s life.  It was the day Joel saw Jesus face to face.. the day Joel began to fully live.. really live the abundant life Jesus died to give us.. eternally.

God is so good!

Looking up.

Meditating on what Joel experienced the second he opened his eyes in Heaven and looking forward to experiencing what Joel experienced helps me keep reaching toward that day.

I started Joel’s last day here meditating on the Word, praying, and working on finishing a few  songs the Lord had given me on my harp.  Joel came over to visit with me while I played and  I excitedly demonstrated for him how easy it was to play “Away in a Manger.”  He replied, “Oh, yeah, I learned that one years ago.” .. so the master says to the ‘nube’. 🙂  He plays the guitar so beautifully.

That way!

I spent most of the rest of the day worshiping and praying with IHOP streaming and putting up Christmas decorations while he studied for his finals.

Around 10 AM the last of the Kinkade paintings we’d bought was delivered to our door and Joel helped me hang it in our prayer room.  He was impressed with it and walked back and forth between it and our favorite Kinkade comparing their similarities.

Joel with two of his favorite cousins.

Each of the Kinkade paintings we bought are of road and/or river passing by a church or a cottage.  They have an ethereal quality about them which I believe is what attracted us to them.  Deep within, we all long for more than what earth can offer; we long for Jesus, for Heaven for things that sometimes seem intangible now, but will become eternally ours once He welcomes us home.

Hiking near a river in Arkansas

I created my first digital scrapbook pages in 2008.   In each, I combined a photo of the kids with one of my favorite scriptures.  They’ve hung in my Grandmother’s frames in three different houses now.

I used these verses with Joel’s photo because he loved to dance with all his might in worship and seeing Jesus in Heaven is something to dance about.  We’ve always loved singing, “Better is one day in Your house..”  and Audio Adrenaline’s ‘Big Big House.”

I am enjoying meditating on the part in the Message where it says, “He doesn’t skimp with His traveling companions.”  Thoughts of traveling, hiking, up the road to our heavenly cottage, our place of worship near the River of Life where we will see Him face to face are good thoughts.  He is with us always.. wherever we go..  a loving, faithful Traveling Companion.

Playing on mountain near by.

One of my all time favorite educational quotes is from a book called “Ourselves” written by Charlotte Mason.  In it, she talks about Holy Spirit being our guide, our educator, in all we do.. in the “County of Mansoul” (the center of our hearts, souls, minds).

She says,

“The best treasures of the country are kept in the fairest of its buildings, in its churches, which are always open, so that people may go in and out many times a day to talk with God, and He comes and speaks with them. But, indeed, He walks about everywhere in the land, in the workshops, in the picture-galleries, and in the fields; people consult Him about everything, little things and great, and He advises about them all.”

He is so good!

After several more hours of studying for his finals, Joel came out for a breath of fresh air, stood in front of the Thomas Kinkade painting that reminds us of meeting our loved ones in Heaven and surveyed the work I was doing putting up the Christmas decorations.  He was smiling, thankful, and full of longing.  He said, “Normally it feels like Christmas.. but it doesn’t yet because I still have these final exams.”

Everyday in Heaven must feel like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, our birthday, Sunday worship and Jesus’ return rolled into one.  Some days our earthly existence just doesn’t feel like Heaven yet.  We long for it, we are thankful for the preparations our Savior is making for us; remembering them brings us joy, but we still have these final exams.  Leaning on our Traveling Companion and looking forward to the day we will see Him face to face will see us through.

I Peter 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in Heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Finding Joy in Jesus my faithful Traveling Companion through every joy and trial..

Jenny