Finding Joy in Him

Through Every Season

Tag: Thoughts (Page 8 of 16)

Texas Smile Lines

May 25, 2012 / / 3 Comments
The night we left for Texas, I looked in the mirror and noticed how
pronounced the little smile lines around my eyes are getting and wondered,
“Will anyone we visit say, ‘You haven’t aged a bit since I saw you last.'”
Savannah said something like that when we saw her last year in CA.
It makes you feel so good to hear it.. even when you know it’s not true.
It had been 16 years since we’d last seen her.
I think she actually meant I was thin rather than young looking.
 I’ve gained 20 pounds since then.
This trip we heard something a little different.
From Mike’s aunt we got, “Where’s all your gray hair?” 
and “Well, you don’t look sickly.”
I think maybe the things they’d heard about us
sounded worse than we looked and hopefully are.
Then when I posted this picture of my new 
cowboy boots on FB, my Mom Commented: 
“Oh, grandmother, what big feet you have.”
Love them both to death.  I think they caused more smile lines in my face.
I had thought about trying to smile less to prevent my lines
from getting worse.. but only for a second.
I guess this camera angle does make my feet look a little bigger.
They are size 8.5.  Is that big?
For those of you who don’t know (Mom), cowboy boots
are made with heals to help you stay in the stirrups  
and with extra inch or two in the pointy ends, 
so if a horse steps on your boots 
(horses can be ornery) they miss your toes.
Will I ever out grow being embarrassed by my parents?
Guess that’s what I get for being so vain.
Love,
Jenny

D.C. Birthday Trip: National Gallery of Art

April 6, 2012 / / 0 Comments
My favorite place to visit in D.C. is the National Gallery of Art.  It amazes me that they have all that amazing art on display free for anyone to come see. 
I actually got to go twice this trip.  Mike and I went together on Sunday  
when it was pretty busy with all the Cherry Blossoms visitors.  
Then first thing Tuesday morning, I went again by myself when it was quiet.  
I actually had a few of the rooms all to myself for a couple of minutes.  
It was so quite that I could hear my own foot steps on the wood floors and 
thought how cool it’d be to have my own house full of beautiful art like that.
There were a couple of monks with a tour group there.
 The younger of the two was walking around with the widest of eyes.
At first I thought that he must have been amazed at the beauty of the art.
But later, in a different room, I realized why his eyes were so wide 
when after the older monk moved into the next room he took 
a quick picture of a large painting of a naked lady.
He didn’t even glance at the smaller painting of 
the nativity next to it that I was walking over to see. 🙂
I think he was amazed that men and women could look at 
large paintings of naked women together in public and call it art.
Although my eyes weren’t as wide as his, 
I am not sure it should be called art either.
I try to look past those paintings.
The monks wore a gray robes which made me curious 
about what kind of monks they could be since
  all of the monks I’ve seen wear bright orange robes 
like the Buddhist monks we saw in Thailand.
I googled them and found an article about them 
(the exact two monks from the Museum).
They are Korean monks who are visiting the U.S. as part of their 
English Language and Buddhism in the Western World studies 
at a South Korean university.
The younger one, “Great Wisdom,” is 21.
The older one, “Blue River”, is my age.
I hope they find Jesus in their quest for wisdom and peace.
The Smithsonian Castle.
Some of my favorite paintings from the NGA:
Two by Winslow Homer

 The Dinner Horn
Sparrow Hall 
 Still Life of Flowers by Dietrich
 The Cottage Dooryard by Adriaen Van Ostade
 Workmen before an Inn by Isaac Van Ostade (brother of above)
 A terrible “I was here” picture… 
A Lady Writing by Vermeer.
And two by Rembrandt – amazing
 Man in Oriental Costume
 The Apostle Paul
 The Adoration of the Shepherds by Giorgione
(the painting next to the one “Great Wisdom” liked)
A statue of David as a boy.
 Ginevra de’ Benci 
by Leonardo da Vinci
Did you know he left his finger print in the center of the painting?
He lived from 1452-1519
Can you imagine seeing art that old and older??
 The Alba Madonna by Raphael
And the last two by Murillo – 
 Return of the Prodigal Son
Two Women at a Window
More art galleries to come..
Sorry,
Jenny

D.C. Birthday Trip: Crystal City and The American History Museum

April 3, 2012 / / 4 Comments
For Mike’s Birthday, I got to go with him on a week long trip to DC.  We had a wonderful time.  I love visiting there.  There is so much to see and do.  I think I walked 100 miles.  Loved the freedom of riding the metro around to wherever I wanted to go while Mike was in conference three of the days.  And the icing on the cake: I got to see my good friend, Lee Ann, and her family. 
We stayed in Crystal City in one of several hotels just a couple of blocks from the metro.  The metro is key.  Also near the Crystal City metro…
This gorgeous water park.
 And a jogging trail that goes all the way to the Reagan Nation Airport. 
 Beautiful spring flowers.
And one of Mike’s favorite places to eat.  Yum!
After lunch, we hopped on the metro and road into DC.  
It was raining so we made a beeline for the American History Museum.
 As did a bunch of other people.. we had to wait in line in the rain to get in.
 One of the coolest things we saw there was a piece of the Berlin wall.
Abe’s Hat  
 The Gunboat Philadelphia from the Revolutionary War. 
See the hole at the bottom left?
The ship was under water for 159 years.
It’s hard to describe how incredible it was to stand next to it.
It was almost like if you stepped into it you’d be stepping in to history.
And for the grand finale we got to see the original Star Spangled Banner.
The actual flag from the song.  We weren’t allowed to photograph it.. 
but it looked pretty much like the photo above.. just much larger.
Just out side the museum there was this rally going on in the Mall.
We saw some Jesus Saves signs and thought we’d go check it out. 
 It was pretty intense.  This small group of less than 100 people 
were arguing that there is a God..and His name is Jesus 
at the first national atheist rally called “The Reason Rally.”
I am sure it’s name “The Reason” was purposly stolen from Christians’
attempt to protect Christmas: “Jesus is the reason for the season.”
They used it in contrast to stand for: 
“There is no Jesus; trust in science and reason.”
What’s really sad is that the science and reason they are 
choosing to believe in is false.. and wide spread by our government.. 
in our schools.. and true science and reason are on their Creator’s side.
In reality, they are asking for the separation of “Truth and State.”
As we walked through the crowd of about 10,000 to the other side of the mall,
we mostly felt compassion for them.  Most were really hurting.  The reason
they decided not to believe in God was because they felt like 
He or the Church had failed them.  
A few that we walked by were not atheist.. 
one girl stood out.. she didn’t know what to believe.  
She was there with a very angry boy friend.  
Most were very young like they were.
Others were obviously under Satin’s rule.  I wondered if they 
could see I was a Christian as plainly as I could see who they were. 
Judi said, “It must have been scary.”  And it was a little..
On the other side Mike told me that he’d been praying in the Spirit 
all the way through.  I laughed a little.. because so had I, 
but only a little because I was so thankful that we had that gift..
of knowing and experiencing the One True God.
I wished I could reach out and touch each one and have the 
power of God touch them the way He has touched me 
so they’d know He is real and loves them intensely. 
 We heard the main speaker speak as we were walking through.
He was sharing his testimony; telling how after he had children he decided 
to try the church of the “kinder God of the evangelicals.”  The crowd laughed.
“I asked Jesus in my heart many times,” he said.  But that he had 
many questions.. that he asked his Christian friends and pastor.
He felt like he lived as a Christian by day and a sceptic by night. 
Then when the twin towers fell, he decided that there couldn’t be a God.
Their laughter, cheers, sadness and anger all tell me that 
the church in America as a whole is not the bride God created us to be.  
We are meant to really know God, to walk in His fullness, 
in His wisdom, in His love, in His power, with signs following, 
 to share the Gospel of Grace of Love of Forgiveness of Healing
with the broken, hurting world around us.
My prayer lately has been “Lord show me your glory, so that I may 
behold it and be transformed by your Holy Spirit into your likeness.”

“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”  2 Corintians 3:18

Love,
Jenny

P.S. After finishing this post, I went to run errands. Halfway to the store, 
I realized that I hadn’t grieved for the mass of people there. 
I almost pulled over to weep. 
Walking through that crowd had a profound effect on me. 

God has been doing a great work in how I see others. 
Showing me how inherently flawed and broken I am. 
We are all in need of the Savior – daily.

All His judgement was poured out on Jesus at the cross.
When we receive the gift of His sacrifice, we are set free.
Hallelujah!

I Decided

February 18, 2012 / / 1 Comment
For Valentines Day this year, my daughter, Judi, decided that she wanted to make sugar cookies for her co-workers, her brothers co-workers, the youth group..  We made 4 batches of sugar cookies.  They were so good.. so soft.. so delicious.  
I have no business eating sugar cookies for one the sugar then the flour.. and the butter.  There they sat on the middle of our kitchen island.  I ate them like potato chips.. “just can’t eat one.”  My hand reached over and grabbed one after another before I even knew what was happening.  I ate some on Valentines day and even more the day after.  I prayed for help.  I needed serious help.  They were so irresistible and accessible and plentiful.  I was feeling pretty icky by Wednesday evening.  
We studied the first chapter of Daniel at church that night.  Two words stood out to me.. “the indulgence of Babylon” and “all things are lawful but not beneficial”  I had been very indulgent and now I was feeling the effects of how unbeneficial those cookies had been to me.  Ugg.  I decided that I was no longer going to be indulgent and that I was going only eat food that was beneficial to me.  
It was actually pretty good timing for such a decision.  All the sugar cookies were gone, and Thursday was grocery shopping day.  I spent most of the day asking myself “Is this food beneficial for me?”  The only problem was that I was coming off of two days of indulging in sugar and my personal list of non-beneficial foods is very long: sugar, grains, starches, fried foods (love, love, love); feeling icky, thinking sad thoughts.. it was really, REALY hard to keep a cheerful attitude.
Around 8:30 PM, one of my kids who hadn’t done their chores in days started talking to me.  I was feeling frustrated and was on the verge of spilling over into very angry about all the little stuff that happens everyday.  I warned him, “Do your chores and don’t even talk to me.”  He kept talking.  I lost it (a sad, sad scene).  My loving husband asked me what was wrong, “Is it that time of month?”  It wasn’t.  I honestly didn’t know what was wrong.
The next morning, I understood that it all started when “I decided.”  The Lord has me in a place where I don’t get to decide.  For me, it’s like picking fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and sticking it on the tree God is producing in me.  It’s rotten fruit even when that knowledge of good and evil originates in His word.  
He wants me to live by His Spirit, to allow the fruit of the Spirit to be birthed in me, to live in the revelation His Holy Spirit Gives me, to wait on Him to work the will and the do in me.  No works of the flesh allowed.  Not even ones that look good.  I am to live totally dependent on Him and His grace working through me.  
I realized my mistake pretty quickly because for the last few years a pattern of grace has developed: I try to do something on my own; I fall flat on my face.  I guess it had been a while since I tried it though.  Silly me.  I am soooooooo thankful for this pattern in my life.  So thankful that God is the Author and Finisher of my faith and doesn’t allow me to succeed at adding rotten fruit to my tree.  Thank you, Jesus!!!
So, what about the sugar cookie problem?  Friday (after realizing my mistake that morning), I went out and ate fried, starchy and sugary food and enjoyed every bite.. except the sugary food.  It was too sugary.  I didn’t finish it off.  I am starting to not enjoy it as much.  I see it as a sign that the Lord beginning a work of deliverance in me.  By Friday evening, I knew what to pray, “Lord put a desire in me for food that is beneficial for me.”  Amen.  Thank you, Jesus!!
Galatians 3: 1 You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2 I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? 3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? 4 Have you suffered so much for nothing—if it really was for nothing? 5 Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?
Love, 
Jenny

Why and How to Pray for Missionaries

October 27, 2011 / / 1 Comment
I have this pamphlet.  I don’t remember where I got it, but I love it.. 
I love it because it’s prayer points are so insightful. 
There is so much in it that we can not only pray for missionaries,
but for our leaders, pastors, friends, family, and ourselves.
I was so happy when I found it on line to share with you.
The link above includes a pdf file you can download.
Go check it out.
Here are a few highlights and my thoughts:
We cannot work independently 
We need God.  We need each other.
There is much to discourage and frustrate the missionary.  
• Language Disparity
• Customs and Culture
• Unfamiliar Food 
• Climate
• Lack of Results
I’ve experienced all these just moving state to state.  Embracing all these 
differences was so much easier in Thailand than in some of the places 
I’ve lived in the US.  I think partly because I expected them there and partly 
because it’s so easy to remember that you have a “mission” while in a foreign country.
It is not long before we are again forced to face up to the fact of 
our own sinful flesh. We then recognize afresh how human we are! 
It’s rough to learn what we are really like. 
So true!
Pray that the missionary will experience fellowship with God in new and satisfying ways.  
Amen!  Loneliness is such a struggle for me.  “Moving” is such a bitter/sweet word.
Our mission is to be servants to all. 
Amen.  Amen.
Spiritually, there must be doctrinal stability through the study of the Bible and its
 application to our daily living. Mentally, we must learn how to combat 
Satan’s great tool of depression. Emotionally, we need to 
strike a happy balance between becoming too calloused or too sympathetic.  
Pray that the missionary will get his true identity and self-worth from 
who he is in Christ and not from success or 
what others think or say about him. 
Pray that the missionary will have a heightened sympathy and 
insight into the heart-needs of those around him. Pray, too, that he will have insight 
and heavenly wisdom to know what God would have him undertake, 
and how he would have him go about it. 
His gracious fruit must show in our lives, or our work will accomplish nothing. 
Unless we have daily communion with our Lord, the pressure will result in failure..
 We must keep spiritually fresh if we are to glorify him. 
Pray that God will keep the missionary in that condition of health 
that will best glorify him.
We need wisdom to train and teach our children in ways well-pleasing to God 
and in full accordance with his Word. Pray that both parents will be godly role models 
and will do all they can to help their children develop godly self-worth. 
Pray that parents may have wisdom in providing for their education.
Let’s remember to pray.
Love,
Jenny

James’ Birthday

August 16, 2011 / / 0 Comments
James turned
A few of his good friends helped us celebrate after church.
We only make this awesome cake when we have friends to help us eat it..

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Cake
1 chocolate cake mix
Heat oven to directions on box. 
Prepare 2 layer cake as directed. 
Cool completely.
Cream Cheese Peanut Butter Frosting
12 ounces cream cheese, room temp.
1/4 cup butter, room temp.
1 teaspoon vanilla
6 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
In a large mixing bowl, blend the cream cheese, butter 
and vanilla with an electric mixer until smooth. 
Add the powdered sugar and peanut butter and mix until smooth.
To frost the cake, place one layer on a serving plate. 
Spread 1/4 of the frosting over the top. Place the second layer on top. 
Spread the remaining frosting over top and sides of the cake.

Do you keep calling your kids “kids” when they become adults?

Should I be calling them our young adults?
James loves to serve
@ church
@ his job
and sometimes.. 
@ home, too.
We are so blessed!
Jenny

“Two Month” “Recovery” Reality

July 26, 2011 / / 1 Comment

I am starting to understand what the doctors meant by a “Two Month” “Recovery. ”   At first, I thought they meant that in two months I would be recovered. That’s not it at all. They meant I wouldn’t be able to do anything but recover for at least two months. After that, I would slowly get back to my new self… (I hope. )

When preparing myself mentally for the surgery, I referred to my post-surgery self as “Frankenstein’s Bride. ” When Judi saw me for the first time in the doctor’s office, she said I looked like a zombie. I refused that label because I still had a brain (most days), and insisted that I was more like Frankenstein’s Bride. She consented to my logic.

What I could never conceive was how much healing a body needs to do after it’s been taken apart and put together again, how much of a toll 11 hours of anesthesia takes on a body, how much work it is to recover from all that blood loss, and how long a body can continue to swell. Although I never read the books or watched the movies, I am pretty sure Frankenstein’s Bride got right up and did whatever she wanted the moment she woke up.

Tomorrow is my two month anniversary and I am still not up to doing whatever I want. I am definitely not my old self that could walk 5 miles in a day. I have to plan out my day so that I can do the bare minimum and not wear myself out. I still have to rest up between breakfast and shower… etc. I am letting the puppy in and out more for myself (she only wants out 50 times a day). 🙂

Last week, just warming up my meals in the microwave was challenging. This week I am stir frying my meals from scratch again (Yay!), but I have to sit on a stool while I sir and it’s still a challenge to do all the walking it  takes to gather up all the stuff I need from around the kitchen. Last week, making in and out of the store was a huge challenge. This week it’s a little easier. I can unload the basket onto the conveyer belt now. Last week, one of the baggers offered to do it and I was happy to let him do that and carry my groceries out to the car. I am still doing only a little shopping at a time. Some things on the higher shelves are a challenge to reach and I am still not up to pushing the basket or carrying the heavy groceries or putting them all away.

I started driving again a couple of weeks ago. At first, I hated seat belts and right turns really hurt  (I guess more than left, because they are tighter). This week, I still don’t like seat belts, but I don’t mind driving as much. Honestly, just riding in the car tires me. My top half doesn’t do well at following my bottom half around the curves. Maybe when I am driving, holding the steering wheel helps? Now that Joel and Judi both have jobs, and Joel is preparing to get his license and start school, driving instructor/chauffeur is my job. I am doing the best I can.

A couple of weeks ago, I was REALLY struggling with the pain by the end of the day. I can block most of it out during the day, but when I am trying to rest at the end of the day, it still bothers me some; muscle soreness, twinges… I don’t know what to call them all… ouchies? Truthfully, it’s 9 am now, and they are bothering me now… it’s just by the end of the day, I am so worn out that I can’t deal with the pain as well.

I haven’t taken anything for the pain since my day of vomiting except the daily aspirin  I have to take as a blood thinner and some Arnica which does seem to help a little. I try to reserve taking other stuff for emergencies because of their side effects. I figure my liver has plenty to deal with as it is. I am glad I have a high tolerance for pain and don’t need more.

Although, all last week my body kept asking me, “Why did you let those mean doctors do this to me?” and my only answer was, “I don’t know??” I don’t regret doing the surgery. If I had chosen the other main stream, American option, I might doing radiation now and have radiation fatigue for the next 4 plus years, and who knows how I would have done on the tamoxifen.

If some brave soul is ever able to get the American Cancer money making machine to concede that there is a better way to cure cancer, I’ll be happy for the patients that follow and don’t have to choose between the two very destructive options I had.

I am glad I studied up and chose not to let them take my lymph nodes even though “Expert doctors, like me, think it’s the best thing to do. ” After a logical discussion of all I understood about the non-existent benefits of taking a few lymph nodes, that’s all my breast surgeon could come up with. She did get part of one during surgery, but warned me that sometimes it just couldn’t be helped.

They try to make your lymph nodes out to be such small things… no big deal… Your eyes are small, too!  Your lymph nodes are an important part of your immune system. And even though the doctors don’t have to be concerned with your lifetime struggle with lymphedema afterwards, you do.

I am still dealing with swelling daily. May still be a long time before it subsides. Went for a dental cleaning last week, and my arms and hands swelled up while the hygienist had my head lower than the rest of me. Most of the time it’s only my core that’s swollen. I am hoping that it’s still too early to be worried about lymphedema.
I still have a lot of healing left to go… and prayerfully with that the swelling will improve.

When I first had to tell people about my diagnosis, just getting the words out was difficult. I know how hard news like that is to take, and no one ever knows what to say. Most said, “I am so sorry. ” or “I am so happy we caught it early. ”  I loved it when “they were so happy” because I could rejoice with them and it made it easier for me to have shared the news. I wasn’t up to comforting the ones who were sorry… and couldn’t afford to be sorry with them… it would have been a long, slippery slope into a deep pit.

If someone had told me last week, that they had just been diagnosed with breast cancer all that I would have been able to do is cry and say, “I am so sorry. ” This week I am feeling a little stronger and think I could be a bit more of a support. 🙂

I am still positive that cancer is from the devil and it baffles me how he curses anyone who believes on Jesus.
We are free from the curse… free from sin… free to love Him freely. He became sin for us, taking the curse on Himself. It is finished. All we have to do is believe. And I am so thankful for my for my Healer and for the season of healing He is allowing me to walk though, however long it may be.

Love,

Jenny

Church and Moving Friends

July 17, 2011 / / 1 Comment

I made it back to church today. Yay!
It was such a great service, too.  I am so glad I didn’t miss it.
Worship was awesome!  Sitting during worship wasn’t too weird.
Pastor Carol’s sermons are always awesome.
She preached about fixing our eyes on Jesus so we can see clearly with eyes of faith.

I had wanted to go all week;
missed a women’s meeting Thursday night
because I was wiped out from shopping at Costco
and took a nap instead.

It only takes me about 25 minutes to shop until I drop.

I had a hard time finding something that fit comfortably
other than the maternity shorts that I’ve been wearing.
My stretchiest pants fit way more snugly
than they did a couple of weeks ago.. swelling.

Later, I realized that I could have worn a dress
with no waist and been more comfortable.
Good idea for next week.

I got to wear this new necklace that my friend Tonya gave me yesterday.
Thank you, Tonya. 🙂

She is one of two of my homeschooling friends
who is moving away this summer.
I’ve don’t have many friends here so
I am taking the moving news pretty hard.

 

 
Tonya made this necklace from a smashed Tinkerbell penny.
She is crazy about collecting smashed pennies from her travels.
 

She has a blog called the Traveling Praters, where she writes about homeschooling and her traveling adventures.

Most of the field trips we’ve attended since moving here, Tonya put together. She has the coolest ideas and I have yet to find out her secret for  finding such great places to visit.  Maybe she’ll tell us on her blog soon.

She and my other moving friend, Lee Ann, and I have similar homeschool/parenting philosophies, and have felt very blessed to have each other’s support and friendship. Lee Ann and I met while living in Florida and I eventually followed her here, where she introduced me to Tonya.  🙂

I am so thankful to have known Tonya and Lee Ann; my life is so much richer for it.  I guess it’s like the saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

It has taken a long week to be able to say that.  Just yesterday, I was thinking about how I still haven’t fully recovered from our last move and haven’t really been fully sharing my heart with the few friends I do have here.. and how that didn’t do me any good because my heart was still broken to see them go.  I know better, but knowing and doing are two different things.

I am very thankful for all the ways we have to keep in touch these days; free long distance, e-mail, Facebook and our blogs all help to take away a little of the sting. And these two are moving to states we’d like to visit in the next couple of years, so maybe we’ll even get to see them in person before too long.

Mostly I am thankful to know that God is with them wherever they go and will lead them and guide them And has a great future planned for them and their families.

Okay, I am crying now.. but glad to have my eyes fixed on Jesus and to see more clearly with eyes of faith and not be as focused on my loss/pain as I was yesterday.

Now you know, I write so I don’t have to pay to see a therapist.

Love,

Jenny

 

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